Decker Steele had it made…Penthouse apartment, VIP parties, girls on tap. You see, Decker Steele is the Pornography Associations award winning, money making machine. But what does a self-confessed, pussy pounding warrior do when his prized package begins to fail? Freak the ‘F’ out, that’s what!
Andi Jennings is the socially inept, geeky and awkward cousin of Decker’s best friend. Only she’s not so geeky and awkward anymore. Now she’s a smokin’ hot country bumpkin, with a smokey voice made for phone sex, and a pair of hot as hell cowboy boots. Everyone adores her, my porn star buddies, my mom and dad, my ‘equipment’.
So, the prized package isn’t so failing anymore, the catch is, it will only perform for Andi…My friend WITHOUT benefits.
What will the prince of porn do? The girl or the career?
** Reader Warning** – This novel is NOT a dark romance. There are absolutely no whips or floggers, no matter how much Andi wants to smack Decker over the head at times. There are no BDSM slavery themes, unless you can count that Decker is a slave to Andi’s hot cowboy boots and sexy Texan drawl. Decker’s Wood does however feature glitter rain, manscaping, vajazzle, tequila shots, roof-top dancing and one hell of a dick trick!
For Mature Audiences – sexual situations and language which some readers may find offensive
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Reviewed by Jenny & Gitte
J&G: 5 “we want to klug this book” stars!
Jenny: Kirsty Dallas certainly delivered a sexy, sweet, romantic, steamy and funny story with a refreshingly different and entertaining spin and I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face! I had such fun reading Decker’s Wood and who would have guessed one of my favourite books of the year would centre on a man’s failure to rise to the occasion? My happy heart told me I had to give this book 5 stars because of the sheer enjoyment I had reading it! This one had it all for me, what about you Gitte?
Gitte: Absolutely, I couldn’t put it down and read it with a huge grin on my face. So many laugh out loud lines, banter and scenarios, such brilliant characters, every single one, and so many heartfelt romantic moments. It wasn’t all fun and games though which I loved also the writing was excellent. Oh and let’s not forget the heat!!! I enjoyed every second I spent engrossed in this story. It was just what I needed and the pure fact that a story could make me so happy deserves every single one of the five stars I’ve given it. This story was NOT a ‘mood hoover.’
Jenny: So true G! The happiness factor we derived from this book certainly warranted our 5 Star rating that’s for sure! Deckers conundrum had me in stitches. Decker’s depressed and his manhood has decided to take a prolonged hiatus much to the horror of our poor Decker. Being a big deal in the porn industry and having your equipment fail is a disaster of massive (no pun intended) proportions!
‘I had literally screwed myself into insanity.’
Deckers proud of his manhood, and it depresses him no end that his pecker, which practically carries its own postcode, won’t stand to attention. Bloody hell this had me giggling Gitte!
Gitte: Seriously…..I had tears from laughing. This dude and his todger issues had me crying!
‘..how does one simply ignore their flaccid member?’
Decker has the most fantastic dry sense of humour and his inner monologue about his lack of ‘hardware’ considering his profession, well it was spot on.
Jenny: But something stirs when the adorably cute Texan, Andi Jennings re-enters Decker’s life and Decker’s Pecker likes what he sees. In fact, Decker Junior (or should that be Whopper?), finds it hard (pun not intended) to stay under control when the delectable Andi is anywhere in his vicinity and even her love of Country Music can’t deter ‘him’ from popping up on a regular basis. I loved Andi. She was strong, capable and a perfect match for the cocky and completely unabashed Decker.
“Country, a sweet little thing like you couldn’t handle a man like me. I think it’s safe to say that eye fucking is as far as you and I will tangle.”
Gitte: Aaahhh Andi…the little engine that could! Who would have thought that the country girl from Decker’s past would be the one to raise the flag on his pole to full mast?
‘She had the personality of a rock…’
Certainly not Decker that’s for sure, yet she had him bring the meat and two veg to the table every time, ready to devour and be devoured. I would have liked to have sat at the table too, just saying!
‘…It was like being forced into an arranged marriage by my dick.’
I loved the depth to Andi’s character, she was so real and unabashed it was a refreshing move away from the typical heroines about at the moment! I loved her! And you’re right Jenny, our Andi was such an extremely lovable character AND she loves making mixed tapes for that special someone!!!! My kind of girl!! A perfect match for the luscious Decker Steele!!
Jenny: Yep! Andi was lovable that’s for sure! The cluelessness of Decker as a romantic really set this apart. I can’t tell you how much I loved this guy and Decker’s attempts at romance were hilarious. For him sex is sex and he has no qualms talking about sex and I mean NO qualms. Nothing is out of bounds which meant some hilarious banter ensued. To be honest, I think his lack of romantic prowess only endeared him to me more. Having said that, when our boy Decker woo’s he’s no slouch and he made my romantic heart swell…
‘Shit, I just want to be able to sit by her, hold her, cook her dinner, make her laugh.’
Gitte: This guy’s attempt at romance and comfort giving was priceless. It could have been a disaster and made him come across like a wanker…BUT…it truly didn’t. It made me want to hug him!
…He pulled me into his arms and patted me awkwardly on the shoulder.
“Shhhh, everything will be alright.” – Decker
“Oh good lord, you still suck at this,” I sobbed – Andi
There were times I was shaking my head at him, but with a smile. There were times I sighed out loud at his romantic antics, again with a smile. There were times when I thought; you idiot, but… again I had a huge smile on my face and a severe urge to hug the shit out of him. I don’t know, I just bloody loved this guy.
“What can I say, tea calms me, and I love pussy.”
Oh yeah, he’s also a master award winning eater of……uh huh, our Decker is one passionate bloke!!
Jenny: Haha! Passionate is one word for it! What a fun read this was and our text messages were in overdrive weren’t they? So many highlights that still have us chuckling. I absolutely loved this book! All characters added so much to the story and the dual pov’s were spot on. Kirsty Dallas really nailed Decker’s POV especially and I would go so far as to say his was one of my favourite male pov’s to date, don’t you think Gitte?
Gitte: She absolutely nailed the male POV, Jenny, one of the best I’ve read by a mile! I was picturing him as he spoke and it was a completely male voice in my head. At no stage did I cringe or think it was over the top! And like you said, all the characters had such strong presence, I fell in love with Casey and Lionel too. Oh and even Decker’s parents had me giggling!!
“It’s a normal male response. Pussy gets close, dick gets hard. It’s how we keep you women happy and satisfied.”
I just think this story ticked all the boxes. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I will never look at the rotor blades of a helicopter in the same light ever again. I’m laughing all over again…..
J&G: If you’re after a steamy, feel good romance that will sweep you off your feet while wiping tears of laughter from your face then grab this book!
We’ll leave the final words to Decker Steele and will in some way explain how we fell head over heels for this gorgeous, sexy and completely unabashed man! Take it away Decker!
‘I don’t know what love is, but if it’s thinking of her from the moment I was till the moment I sleep, then I do. If it’s reading her text messages over and over like a sappy moron teenager, then I do. If it’s smiling from merely the sound of her voice, hell yeah, I do. I want to sit by her, hold her, dance with her on the fucking rooftop as the sun sets. I want to wake with her in my arms, her scent on my skin. If that’s love, I’m fucking diseased with it.’
**ARC provided by author in exchange for an honest review**