Category Archives: MaleBox

THE MALEBOX REVIEWS :: THE MECHANIC by ALEXA RILEY

‘I can’t wait to get my hands on her….’

Our Male Reviewer dived into a little (or a lot!) of smut!

the mechanic

 

SYNOPSIS

Everything was fine until that innocent little rich girl walked into my garage. Since the second I laid my eyes on her, all I’ve wanted to do is get my dirty hands on her pure body.

There’s one minor obstacle standing in my way, but I’ve got a plan. All I’ve got to do is claim her, and she’ll be mine forever.

Warning: This book is over-the-top, insta-love. There’s nothing but steamy scenes, babies trying to be made, and an obsessed bearded alpha hero claiming a virgin who will be his forever. If you want it hot and dirty, this is it!

Available to purchase below:

purchase link small         purchase link small

malebox

Reviewed by The Malebox

Author Warning:  “This book is over-the-top, insta-love. There’s nothing but steamy scenes, babies trying to be made, and an obsessed bearded alpha hero claiming a virgin who will be his forever. If you want it hot and dirty, this is it!”

You really are a lucky bunch, you have another review from The Malebox. This time it is The Mechanic by Alexa Riley. I’m not sure what has come over me, unlike Penelope it wasn’t Paine, but for what it’s worth you get double the loving from MB this month. As usual, I don’t know anything about the author or the book. This time I was sent a number of books by TB and I was allowed to chose my own. It was a big responsibility bestowed upon me, and one which after this review, they will probably not give to me again.

So what is The Mechanic…let me describe it through the magic of song.uptown girl, she’s been living in her uptown world, I bet she’s never had a backstreet guy, who takes her virgin c**t , kinda grooms her and wants to breeds herthis girl is filthy but she’s really shy, he’s gonna try, Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh”
The setting of the book really does remind me of the classic Billy Joel 80’s video Uptown Girl, and I found myself humming it throughout my read. I am a lover of anything that reminds me of the 80’s, so this was a winner from the word go.
Paine (aka billy Joel) works as a dirty mechanic, and one day in walks high class Penelope (aka Christie Brinkley) for a car repair. I think the author maybe could’ve got Paine and Penelope to do a little bit of choreographed dancing when they first met, as I think it could’ve added a softer side to both characters. It would have said ‘hey, we have issues just like everyone else, but let’s dance it out.’ Maybe even Joey and Butch, the other employees at the garage could’ve joined in. I would draw the line at Penelope’s brother the cop though, as we would have run the risk of turning it into a karaoke Village People performance.
Anyway, from the moment Paine sees Penelope strut her stuff into the garage, he falls in love with her. Much like I did when I first saw Christie Brinkley waltz into Billy’s workshop.
After this chance meeting, Penelope pays for the car maintenance, by showing him her panties and letting Paine touch her up. This is clearly where I have been going wrong with my car servicing plan as I always seem to pay an extortionate amount of money for them just to look at it.  Who knew that all I had to do was let my my mechanic cop a feel and keep my underwear, so that he could sniff it later. I could have saved thousands.
Unfortunately, even after this brief sexual assault in the dirty workshop,  Paine does not know anything about Penelope,  not even her name. So he does what any reasonable man would do under the circumstances…He starts stalking her and telling everyone in town who wants to listen that she is his and that he has marked his pussy territory.
Depending on which way you view this behaviour, it is either romantic or creepy. Does he love her or does he want to keep her eyes in a Ragu jar on his nightstand whilst the rest of her is buried out in the desert somewhere. Anyway, he breaks into Penelope’s house in the middle of night, questions her family and friends and then enjoys another few touch ups whilst the tale unfolds.
There is actually a good story behind the characters and I really did enjoy reading the book. It kept me interested and I did like all of the characters. If you want more of a sensible literary critique though,  I suggest you go to to the TB girls or a grown up.
I do have a few general questions though.. What is this “I want to breed you” business, coupled with “milking things” I don’t know if we are having sex or taking an unhealthy interest in farmyard cattle. I am not sure I could say “Milk me baby” with a straight face. Also, when did C U Next Tuesday become a term of endearment for lady bits? Don’t get me wrong, I am more than happy for you ladies to call it this, but I am not sure that this is socially acceptable term to you.
But what do I know? I normally like to buy my lady dinner, wine and dine and listen to her conversation. Although I will try some new moves after reading this book. I will go up to a  random girl and say ‘you are mine, I am going to breed you and I taste your C U Next Tuesday and I look forward to you milking me.’ If she plays coy, I will follow her around and turn up in random places saying that I own her. I will let you all know how it turns out and also any travel restrictions that get imposed on me under the sexual offenders order that follows.
I do like the idea of paying for something with my body though. Next time I’m grocery shopping, rather than pay cash, I will just whip my bits out onto the conveyor belt and say “we both know what is going happen here”.
I would definitely recommend this book and it is one that I will always remember, so thank you very much Alexa Riley. Keeping in line with the 80’s theme though, could you do a sexed up version of Caddyshack though? There are endless possibilities and innuendos with “playing through the back 9″, ” biting down on his wedge” and getting knee deep in her sand trap.  You have complete artistic licence, as long as the gopher is there and he gets bred but not milked, I don’t really mind. Anyway I am off to listen to my best of the 80’s hits collection as I need to cut loose.

Leave a Comment

Filed under Alexa Riley, MaleBox, Our Reviewers, Pick an Author

THE MALEBOX REVIEWS :: THE PANTY WHISPERER (The Complete Series) by SLOANE HOWELL

THE MALEBOX
TBB’s Male Reviewer delivering tongue in cheek romance reviews.

malebox

The Panty Whisperer  – steamy, dirty novella series.
Available to purchase below:

purchase link small     purchase link small

panty

SYNOPSIS

I want you to remember my face. I want to watch your eyes roll up in your head, your toes cramp up while curling under your feet, your thighs trembling around my face, begging for me. I want to own your mind for the rest of your life. The thought of me will be a thirst you can’t quench, a drug you can’t have, an itch that cannot be scratched, no matter how hard you try. Nobody will send a shock of neural ecstasy to the tips of your toes the way I will. Care to bet me?

Most people have something they’re good at: math, sports, music, art. I was born with a more specific talent, pleasing women. I don’t know how or why it happened, it’s built into my DNA. I’ve always had the golden tongue, able to talk women into fulfilling their deepest, darkest fantasies. My name is Joel Hannover, but my friends call me the panty whisperer.

I work as an accounting software consultant. It sounds fancy, like I should be good with math or computers. In reality I’m a salesman. My job just happens to be perfect for my hobby. Most accounting departments are comprised of women. Women most people believe are boring or uneventful. I meet these women every day. Insecure, dressed conservatively, hiding their beautiful bodies behind layers of clothing, afraid a few pounds of baby weight may still show. Ladies who work crossword puzzles and process numbers and transactions. It’s all a facade, these women are sexual creatures who want to have all of their desires met and all of their needs fulfilled. Begging for someone to explore them, to bring them out of their shell and release the sexual tension that has saturated their entire being, afraid to break free.

Meet Jessica Moore: mid-thirties, married with two kids, unhappy. Incredibly sexy! Will I open her mind and push the erogenous zones in her brain past their breaking point? You’ll have to read to find out…

 * * * *

REVIEWED by THE MALEBOX

After another long hiatus, I am back with another review for Totally Booked. Like most men I have been busy pretending to be busy with other things which explains my absence. So, the ladies asked me to review a book by Sloane Howell called the Panty Whisperer, the complete series. As always, I knew nothing about the author or the book and only hoped that it was not boring.  I assumed from the title that is was a euphemism for someone with a husky voice who had a fetish with talking to women’s underwear as opposed to the panty sniffer…hey I am not judging…

So what are these whispering panties all about and what secrets do they know? Basically, it is the story of Herbert and his ability to talk to women and their vaginas and other orifices. He does most of his talking through his cock, which would be quite the ventriloquist act if managed properly and his cock could also do a few celebrity impressions at the same time. Although with a name like Herbert, he does need a party trick to get the conversation started.
Herbert is the Doctor Seuss to the female animal, if Dr Seuss liked to pound a bit of strange in the office, the bathroom and store cupboard. Let’s hope that he didn’t do any of this with the many animals that he talked to.
 He maybe the Batman of dirty talk but he is the Robin of commitment and settling down. Then again why would he, he taps more than Michael Flatley and spends more time in ass cracks than Richard Gere’s pet gerbil.
He prides himself on his ability to to make a woman cream her spinach. Speaking of creamed spinach, it is an under rated accompaniment to many the dish. However when you use it in the same breath as soiled women’s panties, it may put you off the idea of having it with a nice beef tip. That being said, next time you do cream some spinach, please think of The Malebox. Anyway I have digressed.
Herbert likes to sow his wild oats, however I don’t think they will necessarily take root and grow from off of women’s faces, but hey I am no argiculturalist. He is the ultimate playboy but things take a turn when he bangs a cheeky redhead called Olivia in a club bathroom. I told you he was a classy guy. He promises to call her and she gets upsets when he doesn’t. Really Olivia, you’ve just had dirty sex with a guy you picked up in a bar who you don’t know, was he really going to call you? Anyway forget Herbert, give me a ring sweetie and I will take you to McDonald’s and bang you behind the dumpsters next to the drive through. At least you get a meal as well this time..
Anyway in steps Olivia’s best friend Quinn to help Herbert taste some of his own medicine. Up until this point, this was the first thing someone has tasted that wasn’t sperm or moist lady bits. I won’t spoil anymore for you, but you may see how this is going to go. Boy meets girl and does the dirty, best friend takes revenge to make him change his philandering ways, guy thinks friend is hot but tells her to get a fucking life and keep her  nose out of his business. Well the last bit is what I would say, but I am glad to say Herbert is not me and has a softer side. Things then get complicated between them and shenanigans commence.
It was a good read and if you like your sex on the dirty side then this book is for you. There are comedy moments too whenever Herbert’s wingman Tommy is about and the banter between the two of them is amusing.
Pick it up and read the first few chapters with a spare hand available and you’re good to go.
The Malebox

 

Leave a Comment

Filed under MaleBox, Our Reviewers, Pick an Author, Sloane Howell

ABSOLUTION by L.P. LOVELL & STEVIE J COLE :: REVIEWED by THE MALEBOX

 Standalone read.
Very dark, violent and gritty  ‘romance’ not for the fainthearted

He’s baaaaaack  
The Malebox, our male reviewer is back with his own unique brand of reviewing and we have to say, this review had us in fits of giggles!
We were crying with laughter. Oh how we’ve missed you MB!
Welcome back!

malebox

buy the book

 ABSOLUTION::  amazon us :: amazon uk

absolution

SYNOPSIS

Evie

All sins are equal in the eyes of God, but I’m not God. One sinner made me his sin, and I can’t let men like him live. I want to kill them. Every. Last. One.
Ezra James is no different. I was going to kill him, but then I found myself obsessed and possessed in the most reverent of ways. I became his sinner, and he became my sin, but the wages of sin is death, so I must kill him.

Ezra

The son of a whore, raised by criminals, molded to fit into a world without morals. I’ve never given a shit about anything until the night I watched a man drop dead at the feet of my little killer. She called to my depravity, and everything in me demanded that I take her, possess her, own her. Some monsters hide behind the faces of angels.

Damned. Broken. Irredeemable.

Through blood, absolution shall be found. 

Absolution (1)

Reviewed by The Malebox

‘There are no rules, no safe words. I do not want her willing submission. I want to drag it from her, screaming and crying. I want ultimate power over her, and while she’s here in this room with me, I want to own her, body and soul.’

After a bit of a hiatus, I’m back. The book world just hasn’t been the same without me, I know. After such a long break I needed a wow book to get me back into it.

I’ve done rock stars and groupies, broken men and women who love each other, then they don’t and then they kiss and make up at the end…it’s all become a bit a tiresome. I want more than girl meets boy, they have a few misunderstandings because he can’t tell her how he feels because his mother never loved him and daddy wasn’t there. I have enough problems of my own without hearing about other people’s.  I’m broken too but I sort my shit out. Then Totallybooked hit me with Absolution.

As always, I knew nothing about it and only hoped for something a bit different, and thankfully I got it and more. It’s the story of Ezra and Evie and the violent and seedy world they live in. It’s a Tarantino movie waiting to happen readers. It’s a mix between True Romance, Basic Instinct with a hint of Reservoir Dogs. Remember the Michael Madsen ear scene….clowns to the left of me – jokers to the right….well let’s just say body parts get chopped up. It’s Fifty Shades on crack with an eight ball injected straight into your brain whilst having electric shock therapy.

I don’t want to give too much of the story away, so I’ll keep it simple. Evie is “little killer” who’s on a one woman vendetta to rid the world of dirty men who’ve wronged and abused her in the past. She has specific dislike of men who force themselves upon her and other women which is quite understandable.

However, rather than report them to the local authorities and take them through the criminal justice system, she likes to kill them and watch them die instead. It isn’t all bad though, she’s having sex with them at the time, so I can think of far worse ways to go. Take my fears for instance, collapsing and shitting my pants whilst out food shopping….’clean up on aisle 6!’ Or surviving a plane crash, only to be attacked by sharks, but somehow surviving with only an arm and a leg so I can’t swim for shore…but I digress…

Back to Absolution…..Imagine a serial killer with a conscience if you will. Ezra is a pimp and gangster who likes to “break” and “own” women through his own special brand of coercion. He’s quite unpleasant and takes a shine to our little Evie who’s a religious girl as well and likes to be atoned for her dirty little sins. Does atoned mean fucked and whipped? But you know what they say about those catholic girls!!!

However, there’s method in her madness when she befriends Ezra and the plot really does thicken. It’s filled with murder, mayhem and sex. To say that both Evie and Ezra are somewhat obsessive is putting it mildly. I love an edgy woman as much as the next guy, but I don’t want to wake up chained to a bed with my own cock stuffed in my mouth.  Sure I like a bit of rough play, but when it comes to my testicles they’re fine just where they are. There’s a fine line and Evie certainly likes to cross is. I won’t spoil any more of the storyline so you’ll just have to read it.

It’s a dark read which I enjoyed, but I must warn you that it isn’t for the faint hearted. It’s quite graphic in parts and the sex scenes between our two characters won’t be for everyone. Luckily I’m not everyone and found it fascinating. There’s one standout scene with Evie and a redhead which was just brilliant.  It was sexy, evil and funny all wrapped together with a fucked up cherry on top.

I do have a few questions though. Firstly I’m a man of the world…but I have never come across a woman (I have but not in the context that I mean here) who punishes a man for looking at another woman by giving him a blowjob. If this actually happens, I am owed 15 just for my journey home from work today. Furthermore, she goes on to pride herself at being the best at it….and this is his punishment!!!!!Is this true? Have I been missing out here? I have bought gifts, flowers, dinners and not even a nibble. When I look at another woman, there’s more chance of giving myself a blowjob than receiving one from the woman I’m with. I always thought it was a bit of chore for you ladies, but clearly I’ve been going wrong all these years and it’s seen as a competition and matter of pride for you.  From now on, when the opportunity arises, I’ll be saying ” you wouldn’t believe how shit the last blowjob I got was, and by the way, did you see the hot girl with the big tits behind the bar earlier, I’d love to rail that, anyway carry on sweetheart.” I think we should all rally together Totallybooked to get this type of healthy competition into the Olympic Games and hand out some fucking medals just to raise the stakes a bit. I’d give that one a 6.5 as the hand to mouth technique was all wrong and I felt tooth…… Come back in four years after some practice….next, oh good the Brazilian synchronised swimming team…

Secondly, why didn’t Dave the dog have a back story? I wanted to know more about him and understand just what made him tick. Was he raised by his lone wolf father who abandoned him when he was young leaving him to fend for himself on the streets? Only to later finding out that his mother was actually a Persian cat who was addicted to cat nip and used to ply her trade in the alleyway behind the fish market just to feel loved? Did this result in Dave being sexually confused, hiding his dirty sexual attraction to felines and his lifelong dislike of squirrels and bath time, and never really understanding why?  I understand that he wasn’t a main character but give me something. Regardless of his absence of a backstory, he could of at least hooked up with a slutty little poodle or something whilst Ezra was busy punishing Evie!

I must admit that I really did like Evie, even though she is as nutty as squirrel shit. What concerned me slightly was that the more I read her story, I found myself agreeing with her warped view of society and was willing her on in her quest. She was my Frodo…only her quest was to stick a poker up someone’s ring as opposed to finding one. My inner monologue was saying “stab him in the neck Evie, make him pay, do it again, cut his balls off and feed them to Dave.” What does that say about me? Either I’m about to go Michael Douglas on the world or it was exceptionally good writing.

Ezra I found more difficult to like because of the way he punished Evie. How strange is that? The serial killer I can accept, but a man who hits a woman because she wants him to, I take issue with. Maybe it is me that has problems?

Absolution really is my favourite read to date. It had everything I like in a book, a hot woman, a dog, sex and violence, gangsters and most importantly of all….a great story. I wanted to know how it would turn out from the very start and read it in 3 days which is a record for The Malebox.

I am off now for some self-flagellation for having some very dirty thoughts about Evie. Until next time…

 ❈ ❈ ❈

ABSOLUTION by L.P. LOVELL & STEVIE J COLE
amazon us :: amazon uk

absolution

Leave a Comment

Filed under 5 Stars, L P Lovell, MaleBox, Our Reviewers, Pick an Author, Stevie J Cole

THE MALEBOX (Our Male Reviewer) REVIEWS FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – THE MOVIE

The Malebox is baaaack!

We’ve all seen, discussed and had opinions on the Fifty Shades of Grey Movie, but we haven’t been able to find many comments from the guys who have had to accompany their significant other’s to watch it.
We did ask our husbands to go with us but they politely (or should we say, categorically) declined.

MB has been a bit slack of late so it fell on his shoulders to bring us a male POV of this much talked about movie.

We think you’ll enjoy  –  Malebox’s Day At Fifty. 

✦     ✦✦✦     ✦

THE MALEBOX REVIEWS
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – THE MOVIE

Fifty

Reviewed by MB

MB is back with a bang, a Fifty Shades bang that is. It’s been a while and I thought I’d do something different…instead of being book review guy, I’m going to do a review of the new Fifty Shades movie.

To make this happen, I went to see the movie today. No I didn’t go on my own, I didn’t want to be THAT guy, I went with a girl. She’s read the books, so this made it easier to suggest. I pretended I wanted to see American Sniper at first, just to make her work for it a bit. Now she thinks I’m the best guy ever and all going well this will stand me in good stead later when I bring out the power tools!

The movie theatre was about half full and made up of groups of girls and two guys. Me and the rather strange middle aged man sat on his own a few rows in front. I didn’t want to make eye contact, just in case this was seen as some sort of invitation.

I bought my lady popcorn and a drink. I normally don’t share food, but on this occasion, as I cut out a hole in the bottom of the of the popcorn bucket, needs must. I was hoping that this little treat for me might coincide with a sexy scene in the movie. As usual the commercials droned on, however an ad for strawberry flavoured condom lube put us all in the mood. Then came the previews…unfortunately I was slightly sick in my own mouth at the prospect of being dragged to see Magic Mike 2 this time it’s XXL.

Before we get onto the movie itself, I will let you into a guy secret. There are certain movies that guys secretly like but that they won’t admit to. Some examples of these are 17 Again and Dirty Dancing. We pretend not to like them, but we all see ourselves as Patrick Swayze throwing our shapes at the end, just like you Ladies see yourselves as Baby in the corner. We can now add the Fifty movie to our guy list…do we want to be Christian Grey? Yes, we most certainly do.

As I’ve read the books already, I was quite interested to see how Anastasia would look naked on the big screen and I wasn’t disappointed. Any girl that is spawned from the loins of Sonny Crockett, the coolest cop ever, was always going to be something special. She was perfectly cast in the role and played it cool just like her Dad. Jamie Dornan was perfect as Christian as well, just enough without coming across as a sex pest who should be on some sort of sexual offences register.

I thought the movie was very well done and that the sex scenes were delivered appropriately. I’ve read negative reviews about the movie and its portrayal of women, and I think it’s ridiculous. This is fiction people, if you don’t like it, don’t watch it or read it. For what it’s worth, as far as I could tell Ana seemed to be enjoying herself. I would expect these sorts of comments from do-gooders types and ‘I have an opinion on everything’ sorts, but this movie does not glorify anything bad.

I do think that it’s one of those movies that means much more if you’ve read the books though. If you went out with your partner one night and just decided to see the movie, you may walk out at the end a bit confused by it all. I had this experience with The Thin Red Line, I have no idea what this movie was about and appear to have missed the point of the entire thing. Quite why it was Oscar nominated and lasted over 3 hours is beyond me. Fifty won’t win any Oscars, but who cares, give the people what they want. They want Christian and Ana, love, sex and butt plugs.

To all you men out there, give it chance, your Lady may like it and may even want to stop off at a hardware store on the way home. If she does just go with it…in my view, anything that encourages more women to get involved in DIY is a bonus.

Just as a personal plea to E L James, maybe her next book could be about a dominant sportsman or even a dominant who likes to go out with his male friends to bars and get drunk every weekend. This would really do us men a favour.

I feel no shame in admitting that I enjoyed the movie, and any self-awkwardness in the cinema left each time I saw my male friend two rows in front, who I’m certain was touching himself. Did my date enjoy the movie I hear you ask? Yes she did… does she want my best Christian Grey moves later? Yeahhhhh she does!!! Does she want me to sniff her underwear? She may well do, but MB doesn’t roll with that. Especially not as she won’t have changed them since watching the movie, so it will be like Niagara down there. Maybe if she changes them, we can…..NEGOTIATE

“We aim to please, Miss Steele “

LATER’S, LADIES! 

We asked MB for a pic to accompany this post but he wants to remain anonymous. We had to settle for a bit of ‘arm porn.

Fifty 2

 ✦✦          ✦

PRE ORDER YOUR COPY OF THE FIFTY SHADES OF GREY DVD
AMAZON US || AMAZON UK || AMAZON AU

Mr Grey

 ✦✦     ✦✦✦     ✦

THE MALEBOX & SAMANTHA
JOINT REVIEW FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – THE BOOK!

Here’s a blast from the past we thought you might enjoy!
Back in 2012 The Malebox did a joint review of FIFTY SHADES OF GREY with one of our readers, Samantha.
We thought we’d share it here again for those who may have missed it.
Enjoy!!!!!

 

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To:mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject:  Confession from The Malebox

Can I tell you a secret?

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: My lips are sealed

Sure you can, I am like a vault! (wink, wink)

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject:  Full Access

Since I agreed to tandem read with you, TB have bought me a few books for my kindle.  So Ms. Samantha,  Mr. Malebox has been reading one of these books which is Fifty Shades of Grey!  I was curious and just wanted to know what all the fuss was about!

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject:  Very Intrigued….

Really?  And how do you feel about Fifty Shades Mr. Malebox?

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject:  Pleasantly surprised….

I kinda like it…I didn’t know there were 3 books though….Mr. Grey is pretty cool.

 From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject:  I have to know…tell me!

Yeah, Mr. Grey is…pretty cool….

So, Mr. Malebox… Vanilla or Red Room of Pain???

Well, we all want to know don’t we?

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject:  Ah now that would be telling…

I think the red room for you, Ms. Samantha…. Wait!  You are a bad influence on me!!!

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject:  Pouting…..

Fine, sorry, boring questions from now on…

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject:  Never…..

I don’t do boring Ms. Samantha…we all need a bit of bad in our lives…

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject:  Impressed!

That was such a Mr. Grey line, Mr. Malebox!

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject:  Gold Star!

I know…how cool was that!!!

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject:  Squirming….

That was pretty hot!  So umm, the book??  It isn’t particularly well written, but it is so good in a bad way!

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject:  Yes!

I know…the writing is quite strange at times…I found it weird at the beginning but got used to it. I didn’t like all the inner goddess stuff….I have a lot to say about this book, so be prepared…

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject:  Go on….

Hit me baby

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject:  Hand twitching….

How apt….

I don’t know what I was expecting from the book but it wasn’t what I read.

I was expecting it to be full of sex and whips, also I wasn’t expecting to actually enjoy it and I wanted to read it just to see what everyone was talking about.

I was wrong on both fronts.  I found the sex side of the book secondary to the relationship between the characters and all rather tame.

I was not expecting this…I actually really liked Christian Grey and also liked Ana.

I found the emails between them quite amusing….I really don’t mean this to be rude, but I found at times; the writing and Ana almost childlike…I assume that this may have been the intention though. What surprised me the most about the book was that I assumed that it would be complete shit and over publicized? It was much better than I expected it to be…It kept me interested throughout.

I don’t see what all the controversy with the book was all about though.

I can see why this book is popular and that is because of Mr. Christian Grey…the man is a genius!!

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: Speechless….

Wow!  A genius?  I am surprised that you actually like Christian more than you like Ana, maybe it’s because she doesn’t really have much of a personality.  The email portion of the book was my favorite as well.  The emails were very well done and had me cracking up.  Ditto on the controversy, there are far more risqué books out there and they have been written better.   That being said, I can say I found myself strangely addicted to these books and I loved them.

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject:  I don’t make love….

I fuck hard…what a line.

Your thoughts on Ana…. I quite liked her. Not as a hot as my Myrna though, but I liked her more as a person.  I get the obsession thing by Grey…..

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject:  Liar, liar pants on fire…

That line was HOT, one of the best lines in the book!  I also liked when Ana said to Christian “don’t get your panties in such a twist…and give me back mine”.  I don’t get Ana.  Sometimes she seems like an independent woman and then others she seems like…..not.  How in the ham fat can you be twenty- something and not have touched your girly parts???  I call bullshit.  I wanna know about your obsession…

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject:  Obsessions, possessions and confessions

I am a male with alpha tendencies which is why I like Mr. Grey and understand his relationship with Miss Steele. This may be controversial but I am going to ask 2 questions…are women possessions?

Secondly, should a man be obsessed with a woman?

The simple answer to both is yes.  A woman is a man’s most valued possession and with that possession rightly comes the obsession.  A man should be obsessed with his woman….I do not condone either behavior which is not reciprocal.

Do women want a man who panders to their every need and make a fuss of them. Well yes they do, but they also need something else…that is the challenge, excitement and fulfillment.

This is what Mr. Grey represents.

A woman also needs to feel secure and protected and safe. How do you feel when someone borrows your important stuff?  If you are like me, you worry that they will not take care of it or break it. Would you let someone steal this stuff?  No, you wouldn’t and I have already said that a woman is the most prized of all possessions.  So if someone tries to steal my woman then expect a beat down of the highest order…..

This is why I get Mr. Grey.

I would like to see Mr. Grey take on Myrna from the last book (Backstage Pass). Now that would be interesting.  It would be like Superman taking on Batman…who would win?

Actually I would like to take on Myrna…

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: Ground rules…..

I am going to sit in a freezer now.  Holy hell Malebox, that was hot.

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject:  Breaking Ground Rules

Now I know there are rules but  I will be blatantly breaking them at every opportunity….. 

 ✦✦     ✦✦✦     ✦

THE FIFTY SHADES OF GREY TRILOGY by E L JAMES

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY TRILOGY BUNDLE
AMAZON US || AMAZON UK || AMAZON AU

Fifty Trilogy

Purchase the MOVIE TIE IN PAPERBACK
AMAZON US || AMAZON UK || AMAZON AU

Fifty Movie Tie IN Book

 

Leave a Comment

Filed under E L James, MaleBox, Our Reviewers, Pick an Author

TAINT by S.L JENNINGS

We invited our Male Reviewer, the Malebox to assist us in reviewing Taint to obtain a male perspective on sexpert
Mr Justice Drake.
Well, once we read his review, we felt we didn’t have much more to add. We loved it. We hope you do too!

taint 1

 

SYNOPSIS

Right now, you’re probably asking yourself two things:
Who am I?
And, what the hell are you doing here? 

Let’s start with the most obvious question, shall we?

You’re here, ladies, because you can’t f*ck.

Oh, stop it. Don’t cringe. No one under the age of 80 clutches their pearls.
You might as well get used to it, because for the next six weeks, you’re going to hear that word a lot. And you’re going to say it a lot.
Go ahead, try it out on your tongue.
F*ck. F***ck.

Ok, good. Now where were we?

If you enrolled yourself in this program then you are wholly aware that you’re a lousy lay. Good for you. Admitting it is half the battle.

For those of you that have been sent here by your husband or significant other, dry your tears and get over it. You’ve been given a gift, ladies. The gift of mind-blowing, wall-climbing, multiple-orgasm-inducing sex. You have the opportunity to f*ck like a porn star. And I guarantee, you will when I’m done with you.

And who am I?

Well, for the next six weeks, I will be your lover, your teacher, your best friend, and your worst enemy. Your every-f*cking-thing. I’m the one who is going to save your relationship and your sex life.

I am Justice Drake.
And I turn housewives into whores.

Now…who’s first?

´♥´♥´♥

Taint collage

Reviewed by Malebox and Jenny & Gitte

MB, Jenny & Gitte: 4 Stars

MB Review:

“If a dude can hop out of the sack and go to work or run, then he still has energy left for sex. He is just done having sex with YOU”. Preach it Drake, preach that shit….I’m a believer, can I get an Amen brother….I’m baaaaccckkkkk. Well TBB asked me to review another book with them because the girls missed me and the book world seemed empty without my viewpoint. This time is was Taint.

As always I knew nothing in advance about the book, I just go with the flow and I have to say it was a refreshing read. Finally, a book from a man’s point of view that captures the essence of the male thinking.

“We are simple creatures ladies, give us something that makes our mouths water.”

 I have always advocated that men are simple creatures, we want feeding, fucking and our egos stroking, that is it….the rest is semantics. This book truly captures the way we think. The outline is that high class women get sent to see Justice Drake by their husbands and stay at his sex palace to teach them how to be more attractive and keep their men interested in having sex with them. Why I hear you ask…simple…because these men are all straying from their wives and seeking spills and thrills in more exciting avenues of pleasure as their wives light up the bedroom like a wet match. Chauvinistic? Yes it is….A little bit of a reality check for some maybe?…Again, yes it is…Is there truth in this notion? I will leave that up to you to decide, but it does make fascinating reading! Justice Drake shows the ladies what men really want them to be like in the bedroom and how to do it like a pro.

There is a love interest and an underlying secondary story throughout, which I will not spoil for you.

This book raises some interesting points and will no doubt cause some soap box action and bra burning from all the feminist and equality readers out there, but give it a chance. It will answer some of the questions about men’s psyche.

Have you ladies ever wondered why men actually like porn and strippers? Apart from seeing naked flesh and cheap thrills, it’s to see these women who seem to love sex so much and flaunt their sex in our faces. Yes they are being paid for it blah blah blah, yes it’s only acting yawn yawn yawn, but seeing a women enjoying sex or just sexing it up turns us on…a lot…let me explain! We don’t care if you’re acting or can’t pull off the flash dance routine in full while giving us a lap-dance. No, the point is your attention is on us. Just the same way the porn star looks into the camera right at us or the stripper looks back us while twerking. We don’t want sex swings, porn star sex and lap dances with you all the time, we just need to know that you have it in you should the opportunity present itself.

Justice Drake shows the women how to unleash that animal inside, that us men know wants to come out. This is the theme, as I see it, behind the book, husbands don’t actually want other women, they want you just with a side order of whore now and then. Think about it, if you are getting fillet steak at home, do you need to go and have a chewy bit of stewing steak? No. But as much as we love our fillet, we also like to eat a dirty burger now and then…a filthy dirty burger who lets us know that this is the best fucking burger in the whole world we are ever going eat. And after we eat it, we just want another one.

But why should we have to change, it’s his fault, I hear you all scream, it isn’t right… Neither is Justin Bieber being declared a musical artist or children dressed as adults in my view, but this is something I have to suffer seeing nevertheless and appears to be part of the world we live in.

This is definitely a thought provoking book, which for me makes a great change to the normal themed erotic based novels. There is not loads of sex in it, but there doesn’t need to be. Wow, that is a first for me…

If any of you ladies would like a copy of the “how to please your man 12 step programme by MB” I’ve got some laminated copies on order which I can send out to you upon request.

It’s been a pleasure, Ladies

MB

“Do your worst, Justice Drake.”

J&G:  Well we had planned on doing a full review for Taint, but after that fabulous insight there’s not a lot we can add. Did we enjoy this book? Yes, we sure did. Did it live up to the synopsis? Well….yes and no.  That was one kick arse synopsis and because of that, we did expect to experience more of “that” Justice Drake. It was a sexy, fun, had emotion and some really good twists and our appetites were whetted ‘pre Ally’, but we needed to see more of the arsehole sexpert Justice in full flight. Other than that, we really did enjoy this one!

“I want suburban slut. Housewife meets whore. Sell it. Make me believe it. Own it.” – Justice

**ARC provided by author in exchange for an honest review**

Purchase your copy of TAINT here
US PURCHASE LINK/UK PURCHASE LINK
AUS PURCHASE LINK/CANADA PURCHASE LINK

Taint cover

1 Comment

Filed under 4 Stars, MaleBox, Our Reviewers, Pick an Author, Reviews by Gitte, Reviews by Jenny, S L Jennings