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ROUND UP – NEW RELEASE RECOMMENDATIONS/UPCOMING RELEASES & CURRENT SALES


TBB BOOKWORLD ROUND – UP 


Did you miss a New Release? Want to know all about the fabulous heading our way for the rest of October? Looking for an amazing 99c/99p read? We’ve got it all here for you in a quick round

Our Weeks Reading!
Once again this weeks reads have been so varied! From a deeply emotional, angsty rock romance that have forever imprinted itself on our hearts, to an addictive, sexy, dirty alpha anti hero book that left us craving more! And then there’s our current read. A paranormal that’s different to what we’ve read before yet, so familiar in that it’s giving us those old school PNR feels!
Check out our latest faves below!



OUR NEW RELEASE RECOMMENDATIONS


DRIVE by KATE STEWART – 5 Star Recommendation
TBB 2017 TOP READ

‘I used to think I was cursed for having fallen in love with two men. But, in hindsight, I realized what a gift it was. They were my lovers, my teachers, my best friends, and I would love them both until I took my last breath.’


OH THIS BOOK! What a read! We want to grab all our fellow readers and shout ‘read this book’ because Drive became the air we breathed for every second, minute and hour we spent with it.  A standalone epic, passionate and angsty romance with a music theme – that left us with achy exhausted hearts upon finishing, as if we’d run a marathon of emotions. An stunningly written slow burn romance of grand proportions! This is a unique story that will forever leave a footprint on your heart!
DO NOT MISS THIS ONE!
Check out our review for more details. 

DRIVE is available to purchase below

                    


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RUTHLESS KING (The Mount Trilogy #1) by MEGHAN MARCH

‘Most men won’t look me in the eye, but this woman isn’t afraid to declare all-out war.’

Wow! Wow! Wow! This first book in this dirty, sexy and completely addictive Anti Hero trilogy left us desperately wanting more! We couldn’t get enough of Lachlan Mount and can’t wait to see how this trilogy plays out! Ruthless King was fabulous! Fast paced, entertaining, mysterious and totally addictive! Meghan March sure does write one filthy, sexy…and dare we say…swoony alpha! The push/pull between Lachlan and Keria was addictive, Kindle melting reading! It puts the H in HOT!
Check out our review for more details!


Ruthless King Book #1 now available below

                    

Defiant Queen Book #2 available to pre order for 14th November

          

Sinful Empire Book #3 available to pre order for 19th December

         


WHAT WE’RE CURRENTLY READING


GRIGORI – (Brothers of Ash & Fire #1) by Lauren Smith

‘The burden of living for more than a millennia was knowing that a Gilded Age would come and go. Only gemstones remained unchanged. He often wondered if that was why his people hoarded jewels, because they were the only constant force in a world of things that were born and destined to die.’

 

OMG! We are loving this book! This is the first in a trilogy (each book will be about a different Barinov brother) and we must admit…we’ve never read a dragon shifter book before and it’s fabulous! Something different, yet it’s giving us those old school PNR feels! Lots of intrigue, battles and passion! Think Twilight meets the dragons from Game of Thrones….kind of…sort of. Hard to explain except to say….it’s fabulous so far! Review to come.

GRIGORI is now available below

          


NEW RELEASES
✯ Denotes TBB Recommendation



OCTOBER UPCOMING RELEASES



CURRENT 99c/99p SALES


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HUUUGE BOOK TO MOVIE NEWS!! SALES, NEW RELEASES, UPCOMING RELEASES & OUR LATEST FAVE READS!


KRISTEN ASHLEY FANS!!!
★  ★  ★ TBB & PASSIONFLIX SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! ★  ★  ★


 

HUGE KRISTEN ASHLEY BOOK TO MOVIE NEWS!

If you’ve watched Hollywood Dirt on Passionflix, then you know these movies are going to be amazing!

Passionflix and New York Times bestselling author Kristen Ashley are thrilled to announce the option of not one, but TWO beloved romance titles! We are over the moon excited to announce THE WILL and THREE WISHES will be coming to Passionflix, a studio and streaming platform dedicated to turning romance novels into movies and series.

Get ready to fall further in love with Josephine and Jake in THE WILL and Nate and Lily in THREE WISHES, coming soon from passionflix.com!

You know you wanna watch…
Subscribe to PassionFlix today! http://www.passionflix.com/signup#09923


THE WILL – A TBB 5 STAR RECOMMENDATION!

‘This isn’t to say I didn’t sometimes long for a gentle touch, a man’s eyes falling on me appreciatively, building a shared history where we might one day simply gaze at each other, understand and smile.’ 

SYNOPSIS

While Josephine was trotting the globe, retired boxer Jake Spear was living in the same small town as Lydia. There was nothing disguised about Jake. Including the fact he made a habit of making very bad decisions about who to give his love.

But for Josephine and Jake, there was one person who adored them. One person who knew how to lead them to happiness. And one person who was intent on doing it.

Even if she had to do it as her final wish on this earth

Purchase THE WILL and read before the movie!
Amazon US | Amazon UK | US Paperback | UK Paperback| Our Review


THREE WISHES 

SYNOPSIS
When Lily Jacobs was born, she inherited Fazire – a genie. Her family had three wishes and they’d only ever used one so Fazire was stuck in the human world. This worked since he’d become a member of the family anyway.

Even with a genie, Lily’s young life wasn’t perfect. To escape the kids making her miserable at school, Lily buried herself in romance novels. One day, when the teasing was just too much, she used one of her wishes. She told Fazire she wanted to find a man like in her books and she made the most complicated wish Fazire had ever heard. Her wished-for man had to be impossibly handsome, virile, fierce, rugged and ruthless (amongst a dozen other things).

He also had to think she was beautiful and he had to love her more than anything in the world.

Nathaniel McAllister wasn’t born to a life where there were such things as genies granting wishes. His life was filled with drugs, crime and neglect. He was running errands for a gangster before he was in his teens and, even though life and hard work led him to wealth and respectability, he always knew, deep down, he was dirty. When Nate met Lily he knew he was no good for her but as virile, fierce, rugged and ruthless as he was, Nate was no match for the pull of sweet, innocent Lily.

Unfortunately, Lily’s wish included that she and her hero go through trials and tribulations to test their love. And Fazire wasn’t only a good genie, he loved Lily – so he gave her exactly what she wanted.

Purchase THREE WISHES and read before the movie!
Amazon US | Amazon UK | US Paperback | UK Paperback


WHAT WE’RE CURRENTLY READING AND LOVING!


RUTHLESS KING by MEGHAN MARCH


WOW! This book should come with a warning that your Kindle is in danger of spontaneously combusting! It’s hot!!! We do love our Anti hero’s and boy oh boy, is Lahlan Mount pushing our buttons!! We’re hooked!


Pre Order Ruthless King releasing 17th Oct – Amazon US | Amazon UK
Defiant Queen Releasing 14th Nov – Amazon US | Amazon UK
Sinful Empire Releasing 19th Dec  – Amazon US | Amazon UK


OUR OCTOBER READS/REVIEWS SO FAR…….


A gritty, crazy dark read; a swoony, funny feelgood read, a romantic suspense and an emotional, wonderful love story. October has been so varied so far….and the month there’s still some fabulous reads to look forward to!

See our Review Sick Fux or purchase: Amazon US | Amazon UK
See our Review for Sure Thing or purchase: Amazon US | Amazon UK 
See our Review for The Brother or purchase: Amazon US | Amazon UK 
See our Review for Battle Scars or purchase: Amazon US | Amazon UK


LATEST NEW RELEASES
✯ TBB Recommended read



OCTOBER 2017- UPCOMING RELEASES



99c/99p SALES!
✯ TBB Recommended read


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COVER REVEAL – A CHARM OF FINCHES (Venery #2) by SUANNE LAQUEUR


COVER REVEAL – A CHARM OF FINCHES (VENERY #2) by SUANNE LAQUEUR


“I swear. Give me one more chance, and I will make the most of it.”

An Exhalation of Larks (Venery #1), was one of the most intoxicating, epic and magnificent stories we’ve read. Oh how we desperately ached for more. And now the long-awaited second book of the Venery series, A Charm of Finches will release on 1st November, and we know it’s going to be ‘an epic tale of survival and secrets guaranteed to make you think and feel and remember.’


SYNOPSIS

Ex-escort Javier Landes is asking for his third chance at love. And the third time is the charm. He meets an art therapist named Steffen Finch and what starts as casual deepens into a passionate relationship—everything Jav has ever wanted, and everything he fears losing.Stef’s business card reads Curator & Sailor. His creativity and insightful nature have made him into a talented therapist, the one to call for tough cases. His professional success can’t conceal a deep need to connect with someone, but Javier Landes is the last person Stef expected.

Geronimo “Geno” Caan is Stef’s most challenging case. To cope with his ordeal, he’s allowed an alter-ego called Mos to make decisions, and now lives a double life within a web of lies. Under Stef’s navigation, Geno uses art to express what Mos forbids to be spoken aloud. But as Geno’s attachment to Stef gradually extends to Jav, the boundaries between professional and personal begin to blur.

Over the course of a year, Jav, Stef and Geno form an unexpected and unconventional triangle, revealing how men make love in times of war and how love is a great wisdom made up of small understandings.

Pre Order A Charm of Finches below

          

Purchase the phenomenal Exaltation of Larks here

                    




AN EXALTATION OF LARKS – BOOK ONE

Across three decades and two continents, this novel explores the unpredictability of sexual attraction, how family ties are forged, torn and mended, and how love’s downfall can turn to exaltation.
A 5 ++ deeply emotional, heartbreaking, uplifting and moving exploration of love.

“We’re so alike, you and I. It’s no wonder we kept finding each other.”

exaltation-of-larks

SYNOPSIS
September 11, 1973: Eleven-year-old Alejandro Penda watches from his apartment window as Santiago, Chile falls to a military coup, destroying his family and his childhood. Arriving alone in America, he’s taken in by the Larks: a prominent family in the town of Guelisten. Though burdened by unresolved grief for his disappeared parents, he becomes fiercely loyal to the Larks, eventually marrying one of their daughters, Valerie.
September 11, 2001: Javier Landes watches from his apartment window as New York City falls to terrorism. As one of Manhattan’s top-paid male escorts, this professional lover has never lacked for company and is loyal only to himself. But in the wake of 9/11, Jav is named guardian for an orphaned nephew in Guelisten and must open his carefully-guarded heart to pain he’s long suppressed.
Alex, Valerie and Jav meet first in their twenties, with a sudden attraction each finds strange and compelling. When they meet again in their forties, they discover not only is their bond still strong, but their life experiences are strangely similar. All have been shaped by separate 9/11’s, and their unfinished business from the past will change everything they know about love, loyalty and friendship.
“Life has rules. You cannot come in the middle of the night and take what we agreed isn’t yours.”

TBB ALSO RECOMMENDS by SUANNE

THE FISH TALES SERIES – A TBB 5 Star Series
(Please Note: The synopsis for Books #2 and #3 contain spoilers for Book #1)

fish-tales

✲✲✲✲


the man i love

THE MAN I LOVE BOOK ONE

‘Loving her felt like creating something. A cathedral. Spires and stained glass and bells. But she broke one window and I indiscriminately tore the whole thing down…’

SYNOPSIS
“Like it or not, she made you the man you are. And you never got over her. You just left.”
The man is Erik “Fish” Fiskare, a student of technical theatre at a Philadelphia university. At twenty-two, he is the lover and soul mate of Daisy Bianco, a beautiful and talented ballerina. His best friend is William Kaeger, Daisy’s charismatic, free-spirited partner.
While deeply in love with Daisy and astonished by their physical passion, Erik is fascinated by Will’s bisexuality. But when Will embarks on a disastrous affair with a dancer named James Dow, it pushes Erik’s tolerance and trust to the limit. Rejection soon pushes James over the edge of sanity, taking Will and Daisy with him and leaving Erik in the ruins.
The young stagehand soon discovers that in the face of heartache, grief and betrayal, love is not always enough to make you stay. And sometimes, it’s the only thing that can bring you back.
Spanning fifteen years and following a man’s thrilling emotional journey back to the truth of himself, Laqueur’s debut novel explores the complexities of sexual passion, the dark side of devotion and the futility of running from one’s past. The Man I Love is an epic tale of love and forgiveness that will linger long after the last page is turned.

Available to purchase below:

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give me your answer

GIVE ME YOUR ANSWER TRUE BOOK TWO

“I can’t breathe without you.”

SYNOPSIS
“What I feel has no name…”
Suanne Laqueur’s award-winning debut novel The Man I Lovethrilled readers with its memorable characters and depth of emotion. Erik Fiskare’s journey of love, recovery and forgiveness captivated hearts but also left questions unanswered. Now Daisy Bianco has a chance to tell her story.
It’s been three years since a single lapse of judgment cost Daisy the love of her life. Erik was a conduit to her soul but now he’s chosen a path of total disconnection, refusing to speak to her or acknowledge her betrayal. Alone and shattered, Daisy attempts to take responsibility for her actions while building her career as a professional dancer in New York City. But Erik’s unforgiving estrangement proves too much for her strength. Plagued by flashbacks to the Lancaster shootings, she falls into a dangerous spiral of self-harm, cutting into her own skin as a means to atone. Only the timely appearance of an old friend, John “Opie” Quillis, saves her from self-destruction and gives her a chance to love again.
Laqueur skillfully weaves flashbacks to the college years with Daisy’s present life. Supported by John’s patient affection, she works to separate her evolution as an adult from the unresolved guilt and grief of her youth. As her professional accomplishments lift her out of depression, Daisy learns to hold onto her accountability without letting it become her identity. Years pass and she builds a beautiful life filled with dance and friends. Lovers come and eventually go, leaving her on her own with the old thought: Come back to me.
In this parallel narrative, Laqueur peels open the beloved characters from The Man I Love to reveal new and complex layers of vulnerability. The scars from the shooting are deep and pervasive within this circle of friends. Like Daisy, they are trying to evolve without being fully resolved. But when questions from the past go unheeded, you alone must find and give your answers true.

Available to purchase below:

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here to stay

HERE TO STAY BOOK THREE

“Love can bring out the best and worst in us. We’ve all been a jackass for love. But love makes us do amazing things. And if love drives us away, love is what brings us back. Love makes up pick up the phone. Love makes us listen. Love makes us say I’m sorry. Love makes us forgive. Love makes us better. Love makes us our best. “

SYNOPSIS
“You can’t sort of do this, Fish. Draw a line and get on one side or the other…”
Love is never so sweet as when it receives a second chance. In the sequel to her award-winning novel The Man I Love, Suanne Laqueur continues the story of Erik Fiskare’s romance with Daisy Bianco. Though separated for twelve years, the extraordinary bond forged in their youth has endured. But when your soulmate has caused you indescribable pain, how easy is it to forgive? How much trust is needed to place your heart back into the hands that once broke it? How much faith does it take to ask the question, “Do you still want me?” and believe in the reply: “I still want us.”
Erik and Daisy commit to creating a new life together. They are separated by geography, loyal to career commitments and burdened with lingering pain from a decade spent apart. Yet despite the challenges, Erik knows Daisy is the best thing to happen to him twice.
Slowly Erik earns back Daisy’s love as well as the trust of his incomparable friend, Will Kaeger. Both relationships grow deeper and more complex, as do Erik’s ties to the past. Unexpected contact with distant cousins offers new insight to the cruel childhood desertion that shaped so much of Erik’s adult life. With Daisy at his side, he travels back to his hometown to meet his people, explore his family’s history and learn about the men who wore his heirloom necklace before him.
The cathedral once burned down is rebuilt. But a love affair is never a finished thing. Life is never without its tragedies. Daisy and Erik soon face a threat more harrowing than gunfire, more sorrowful than the lost years. With Will at his back and family close by, Erik must fight for the things he once walked away from and prove his love is here to stay.

Available to purchase below:

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EDITING DOES MATTER!

Is there anything better than picking up a book, falling in love with the characters and losing ourselves completely in a story a gifted storyteller has written especially for us?

If you’re anything like us, you’ll agree that this is one of the most wonderful experiences we can have.  To fall absolutely and completely in love with the characters, see the story unfold through our eyes and then to reserve a place in our hearts for that special book, this is what reading is all about for us. Reading is our passion. We could not imagine our lives without our noses pressed into a book.

So it absolutely pains us to have to write this blog post, but we feel the time has come to address an issue which has become progressively worse over the past few months.

To be able to fully immerse ourselves in a story, we need to be swept along by the writing.  The author takes us to this wonderful place and holds us there with their engaging prose.

This is where grammar, punctuation, spelling, timelines, past/present tense etc are such an important part of that whole experience. Grammar DOES matter! In fact, it matters a great deal to the reader.

We’ve seen a trend emerging over the past few months that that has caused us and fellow readers some concern. We are routinely picking up books that contain such atrocious spelling, grammatical and punctuation errors in them, to the extent where we have had to give up after spending precious reading time attempting to decipher a story rather than becoming immersed in it.

This post has become a necessity to write after our Totallybooked Facebook PM and emails have regularly been full of complaints from disgruntled readers who are fed up with having to hand over their hard earned money for books that are continually riddled with errors and therefore hard to read.

We were asked the other day: “How come no one notices it, and if they do, why isn’t anyone doing anything about it?

Well, we have noticed it and so have a lot of our fellow readers.  In fact, we can tell you that whilst readers may not be talking about it openly, they are indeed talking with their hip pocket and have advised us that every time they find errors in a book from now on they will be returning the book for a refund.  They’ve had enough and have asked us to address the issue on their behalf.  The thought of these books being returned for a refund absolutely breaks our hearts and has caused us to address this issue on our blog.

We’ve seen reviews of late that have stated “Just get past the bad editing and mistakes, and it’s a good read.”  We don’t agree with that statement at all, and the sheer fact that it is being addressed and then dismissed as inconsequential is something that concerns us greatly.

The paying public should not have to put up with badly edited books that are full of errors.  It is a crying shame that an author with a potentially good story can lose readers due to the lack of proper editing in their book.

To merely say that we should look past the errors and try and enjoy the story is wrong.  To have this attitude serves as an injustice to the indie authors out there who meticulously check their books and whose stories we have had the absolute pleasure of reading due to their attention to detail that ensure readers attain the best reading experience possible.

We absolutely understand that money is a factor in indie publishing, but you are only doing yourself a disservice by neglecting one of the most important parts of publishing your book. Either basic grammar rules need to be applied or an editor hired, preferably both.  A poorly edited book can completely ruin a story for people; we have seen the proof in the high volume of complaints we have been getting from disappointed readers.

We love indie books.  We love ALL books, but we especially have a soft spot for Indie’s. We love their stories and the majority of our favorite reads and characters are from books that are/were written by indie  authors.  We are avid, vocal supporters and promoters of indie authors and have been for years now, both individually and more recently through Totallybooked, and feel the need to speak up now as we can never recall the issue with errors being so prolific.  We know indie authors are proud of their work and want the best for their readers, so please put editing as a priority when publishing your work.  Readers are becoming frustrated and will turn away.

A lot of authors have paved the way for Indie Publishing and all produced books which were flawless in their storytelling and grammar which goes to prove that it can be done. They set a standard that helped tremendously to give indie books the respect that they deserved.

We implore you to take care when editing your book and check your teasers. A great jpeg image with a messy, grammatically incorrect quote on it only serves to let yourself down. Make sure that your books and associated materials are as close to 100% correct before making them available to the reading public.  Think of the person reading it.  If you can’t invest the time and care needed to check your story and get it right, don’t take offense if the reader/reviewer has something to say about it when they come to critique your book.

Please DO NOT think we are targeting Indie authors because we know Trade Published books can also carry quite a few errors as well. We do not want to see readers dismiss Indie books due to the high amount of errors we’ve seen recently and we most definitely do not want readers returning Indie books as you all work so hard to get your books out there. Please take care and don’t lose your reader base because of a badly edited book.  Your work is too important for that.

TotallyBooked and our fellow readers really do want to LOVE every single book we pick up; it’s why we buy the book.  We want to read it and fall in love with it.  We don’t want to spend hours trying to decipher a story and wade through errors.  We want to get lost in the book and enjoy the journey.  As beta readers who work closely with authors, we see first-hand the blood, sweat and tears that goes into writing a book, and fully appreciate the time and effort they put into their work.  Please do your story and characters the justice they deserve.

Thank you for reading.

Warmest regards,

 

Jenny and Gitte
Totallybookeblog.com

 

Lets-eat-grandma

 

 

 

 

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Happy Birthday Jenny – The Blog has be hijacked!!

Hi there friends, fellow readers & beloved authors (full arm wave) 🙂

It’s Sali here!!!

And we want to thank you guys for joining us for a VERY VERY VERY special post!!!

So as some of you may know it’s a VERY special ladies birthday today 🙂

Jenny Aspinall from TotallyBooked book blog turns………..oh wait!! I better not tell you all how old she is turning she might kick me in the vagina for giving up that bit of info! LOL!

Now Jenny is a true & dear friend to us (Sali & Christina), and she has had a very tough year!! So I wanted to do something extra special for her to make this a birthday to remember 🙂

Now there is one girl I KNEW I could count on to help me achieve this !! Christina Collie from Cocaine&Cupcakes Book Blog !!!

Not only does she LOVE JENNY as much as I do , but she is an incredibly funny & talented person …..sooooo Christina & I put our heads together , burned up our keyboards & got to contacting some very special friends to help us pull off …..

THE BIGGEST BIRTHDAY SURPRISE EVER !!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNY ASPINALL !!! YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON WHO HAS TOUCHED SOOOO MANY PEOPLES LIVES !!!

THIS IS OUR PRESENT TO YOU OUR DEAR FRIEND.

KNOW THAT  YOU ARE APPRICIATED, KNOW THAT YOU ARE ADMIRED, KNOW THAT YOU ARE TRUSTED & RESPECTED.

BUT ABOVE ALL ELSE……

KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED .

<3 ESPECIALLY BY US

–SALI & CHRISTINA

So I’m sure you are all wondering, WHAT IS THIS GREAT SURPRISE????

WELL… my friends what we have is some special birthday messages for our girl Jenny from some EXTREMELY SPECIAL PEOPLE from  all over the world 😉

Now I do warn you some of these messages get…hmmm well let’s say a little dirty! LOL!

There are also…. ummm lets say “adult rude words “used in this post ;)…

Ok so thats the nice way of us saying that the F-Bomb is dropped regularly throughout this whole post! LOL

So if you are easily offended then do not read on ….

But for the rest of you awesome peeps….

OMG !!! YOU ARE GOING TO LOOOOOVE THIS !!!!

SO WITH OUT FEARTHER ADO……….

NOW LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED ……CHRISTINA !!! POUR THE CHAMPAIGN BABY ITS TIME TO GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD !!!!!!

Christina — WHOOOOP WHOOOP!!!!

Sali –— Ok Christina why don’t you start us off with the first message for today ;)…..What have you got there babe ???

Christina —— OHHH!!!!!!!! Ummm… ohhhh wow Sali!!!! You will NEVER guess who’s up first !!! I just read what he wrote to her, and umm…. I’LL LET YOU READ IT!!!! IT’S BRADEN FROM ON DUBLIN STREET!

“Jenny…Babe…Happy Birthday. Remember, don’t blow too hard on those birthday candles…blow just hard enough. Braden x “

Christina —– Can he let meeeeeeee test out how hard is just hard enough??????

Sali —- OMFG!!!!! IT’S YUM-A-LICIOUS BRANDEN !!! I’m pretty sure his “just hard enough” would be just puuuuuurrrfect!!! mmmmmm!!! He can BLOW out my candles anytime!! HAHA!

Christina —– He can blow out your candles as long as I get that test! Okay so the next birthday messages come from a VERY special group! (and when I say special, I think Drew is SERIOUSLY special, and not in the good way!! LOL) The Chocolate Lovers are here to say Happy Birthday too!!!

Sali—OMG YAY I freakin luv luv luv these guys !!! Bring it on babe!!!

“Hey there gorgeous! Hope you have a wonderful birthday. Don’t tell Claire this, but if I didn’t have her, I would be dipping you in chocolate and licking your- OUCH! Fuck, Claire. I was just kidding. You’re the only one I want to lick chocolate off of, I swear. But you know, if you were dead or something- OUCH! Anyway, happy birthday Jenny! Hope it’s chocolaty delicious!” – Carter Ellis

“Yo, biz-natch! How about we celebrate your birthday by you giving me a blow job? Then we can have a little fun with some birthday candles and frosting. Just make sure you wax first. Last time I tried that with my Jenny, there was an incident with third degree burns and now I can’t get the smell of burnt vagina out of my nose. Happy birthday!” – Drew Parritt

“Happy birthday Jenny! I really don’t know why I’m wishing myself a happy birthday. My birthday was in November. Wait, is it still November? Maybe it IS my birthday. I wonder how old I am in donkey years. Or is it dragon years? Dragons are so cute. I wish I could have one as a pet. I had a pet enchilada once. Shut up, Drew. It is too called an enchilada. Chinchilla? That doesn’t sound right. I think I’d remember if I had an animal on my chin. No, having your balls on my chin is not the same thing. Well, happy birthday to me! I hope I bought myself something really awesome!” – Jenny Parritt

Sali —— BAAAAAHAAAAAA!!! OK! I have to say this because I know you are all thinking it…… THE FREAKIN CHOCOLATE LOVERS ROCK !!!!!! Happy birthday Jenny !!! Wait!! Which Jenny’s birthday is it??? Chris I’m confused!!! Ahhhh f**k it! LOL! Happy birthday to both of you funny bitches!! Ohhhh and Drew, I am NEVER getting the image of burnt vagina out of my head !!!! Thanks for that mate!!

Christina —— HAHAHHAAHAHAHA I KNOW SALI THEY TOTALLY DO ROCK!!! The things that come out of Jenny’s mouth is ALWAYS hilar!!! Drew, something is SERIOUSLY wrong with you!!! Hahahaha. Burnt Vagina? I would say I wonder how that smells but I don’t, I don’t wanna EVER find out! And Carter, better watch yourself or Claire will reintroduce you to Rule #1 and how that rule CAN be broken! Lol!!!!!!! What a laugh! I love those guys!!!!!

Sali—-omg that was GREAT !!! BUT giiiirl I have just looked at the next message & let me just say ..YOU ARE GUNNA SCREAM LIKE A LITTLE KID ON CHRISTMAS MORNING over this !!!! Holy crap batman ….is it hot in here or is that just me ???

Christina — Sali, it started getting hot in here the moment we started reading these. Don’t worry. Had a feeling this would happen, I have a fan right over there incase we need it… now read the next letter!!!!

Jen, babe, these two crazy bitches, Christina and Sali fuckin’ somethin’ told me it was your fuckin’ birthday and babe, I could give two fucks about birthdays until I saw I a picture of your sweet ass and now I’m givin’ a fuck. So darlin’, I want you to hitch up that sexy birthday dress, get your sweet ass on the back of my bike, press those beautiful fuckin’ tits up against me and hold the fuck on, cause baby I’m about to give you the best birthday ride of your fuckin’ life.

Happy Fuckin’ Birthday!

Love,

Deuce, The Hells Horsemen and Madeline

Christina—- HOLY SHIT SALI, I JUST FUCKING CREAMED MY PANTIES!!!!! DID YOU READ WHAT HE JUST SAID?

Sali —– Ohhhhh I SOOOO DID !!!now before u get any ideas….. Back up BIATCH because I’m next in line to “ride” Deuce!!! Lol!! Get it?? RIDE?? BAAAHAHAHAA!!! (see what I did there?) But seriously girlfriend back the truck off!!!! LOL!!!

Christina —– YOU BACK THE FUCK OFF!!!! I WILL TWIST YOUR TITTY SO HARD YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO RIDE ANYTHING BUT THE FLOOR!!!! I’M NEXT ON HIS BIKE BIIIIIIIIIITCH!!!

Sali —- Ohhh it’s on mole!!! Get ready to be bitch slapped!!!! Ohhhh!!! Hold on babe, I just did my nails!!!! Can we call a Deuce Truce and just share him????

Christina —- SHARE? I DON’T PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS!!! BUT! I guess… since it’s you! Plus… I don’t think I can handle him by myself anyways…. but it sure as fuck would have been fun to try… spoil sport!

Sali —– Lol, ok!! It’s settled!! We can share! After Jen has her “ride” that is! Baaahaa!!!! Now moving on ….who is next on our birthday wish list babe ??

Christina —– Okay so up next we have a guy we haven’t met yet, but I REALLY REALLY wanna meet him and I’m TOTES jelly Jenny already has! It’s Liam Page from Forever My Girl (and I’m ALREADY wishing I was HIS forever girl Sali!)

Happy Birthday, Jen! Can’t wait for you visit Beaumont. We’ll celebrate your birthday in style – from the water tower. I’ll throw a special one just for you.

Much love, Liam Page

Sali —– Ohhhhh sweet Liam !!! Now this guy is a REAL CONTENDER for Jenny’s new book boy-friend !!!! (Look out Kellan!) Jenny was swoooooning while reading all about Liam !!

Christina —– OH SHIT!!!! I really freaking hope KELLAN doesn’t see that Sali! He may get Griff after you!!!!

Sali —- Ohhhh I think we all know I know how to HANDLE griff lol Christina —– With two hands and a skillful mouth?????? I know what you’re thinking right now girlfriend!!!!! GET YOUR HEAD OUT THE GUTTER I MEAN TO HIT HIM AND TALK BACK WITH!!!!!!

Sali —- OMG girlfriend !!! It look’s like our girl Jenny has been holding out on us!! We thought she told us everything but apparently she DOES NOT !! You wait until you see this next message!! It seems Jen got herself some smoking hot wolfy kind of action and DID NOT share the details!! Ohhhh!!!!! Jenny you are in TROOOUUUBLEEEEE!!! Check this out Chris …..

Jenny,

Happy birthday, sweet Jenny. You know I have found my queen but I also hope you know that does not alter how I feel about the night we shared. You were the only human female who took a place in my heart prior to meeting Sonia and, as my queen was discovered wolf, that makes you the only human female I will, for eternity, remember as fondly as I remember you and the brief time we shared. I wish for you to have a day as special as you.

Yours, Callum

Jenny,

I was in the shower this morning thinking about you. I wanted to wish you a happy birthday. If you were here, I’d take you to Bubba’s for a drink. But you’re halfway around the world so just know, after I work out, I’ll raise a protein shake to you in celebration of a really good day. The day the world was introduced to you. Have a great day, babe. And Lexie says hi.

Best, Ty

Sali —- Yes Chris!!!! You read that right!!!!! Jenny had a thing with Callum ( I wonder if Kristen Ashley knows about this) and this is the first we are hearing of it!!! WTF Aspinall???!!! Ohhh & did Ty just say he was thinking of Jenny WHILE HE WAS IN THE SHOWER ???!!! OMG fanning myself!!! We all know what Ty likes to do when he is alone in the shower!! LOL …… I think I just CAM’d !!!

Christina —- THAT SLIMY ASSMOLE DIDN’T SHARE THIS WITH US??? HOW COULD SHE?!?!??! Callum & Jenny did the… uhh… THEY BUMPED IT??? OMG!!!! AND AND AND!!!! LOOK AT WHAT HE SAID!!!!! OMG!!!!! And umm… Ty + shower + thinking = FUCKING HOT!!!!! Jenny is SOOOOOO lucky!!! I think I just got a hot flash reading that!

Sali —- Ohhhh hold on to your panties baby girl COZ THAT’S NOT ALL !!!!! Now we both know how much Jen loves her music, and well the little tart has been doing what ever it takes to get herself up close and personal and to a backstage pass!!! Arrhaahh you heard right!!! Another thing the dirty little assmole has kept to herself!! Jen you can not deny this I HAVE WRITTEN PROOF!!! You better sit down for this next one girlfriend!! You ready??? Ok here it goes ……ITS THE SINNERS !!!!!!!!

Happy birthday, Jenny. Do you have someplace I can stick my cherry sucker? From Trey

 

Thanks for the birthday gift. You worked hard for that backstage pass. I probably should have taken it easy on you since it’s your birthday , but I had to be fair to the other ladies. I’m sure you understand .

From Sed

Christina —– First off, I’m sure Jen knows THE PERFECT place Trey can stick his sucker… on the counter, of course!!! And second, JENNY ASPINALL IF YOU TRADED SOME NOOKIE FOR A BACKSTAGE PASS AND DIDN’T INVITE ME AND SAL, I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!!!

Sali —- Baaaaahaaaa!!! Hmmmm…. I’m pretty sure you and I can come up with a better place for Treys sucker sweetness than the counter!!! LOL! AND!!! I’m am sooooo with you on that ass kicking babe!!! What were you thinking Jen????? You are soooo lucky it’s your birthday or I would totes be dialing your number to abuse you right now!!!! Haha!

Christina —– YEAH JEN!! IF IT WASN’T YOUR BIRTHDAY WE WOULD COME TO PERTH AND FUCK YOU UP!!!!!! And Saliiiiii, I was trying to keep it PG, and that’s why I said the counter!! hehehe. I have about 4 places I’d like to see that sucker… one of those places is on my……..

Sali —- Dude you blew the PG rating out the window with the first F-bomb you dropped, lmao !!! Now before our mouths get us into trouble AGAIN and Jen gets all freaked out over our f-bomb dropping on her blog (baaaahaaaa) lets see who’s up next ……Owwwwww IT’S LUKE !!! From I LOVE YOU TO DEATH !!!

Hey Jen, So word on the street is, it’s your birthday! I’ve also been told you’ve asked for me, wrapped in nothing but a bow, and that bow should be tied around the one spot you would want to open…? Tell me Jen, in very specific detail, where exactly would that spot be and I’ll see what I can do for you…

Hope you have a great day! And a big Happy Birthday shout out from me, Ash and all the guys! Luke x

Sali —- YES JEN TELL US!!!! Where did you want Luke to tie that bow ??? Baaaahaaaaa!!!

Christina —– Well, I know where I would like that bow tied up on…. *whispers to Jenny*

Sali —— I’m thinking….. ummmmmm ….. ITS HIS TOE & JENNY HAS A FOOT FETISH?????? BAAAAAHAAAAA!!! Ok not really! LOL! Soooo not his toe is it Christina ?? lol

Christina —– Ohhh, I TOTES wasn’t thinking a TOE… but if you move up some…….

Sali —– Now these next one’s are from some very special boys! *sigh* We all know the TMS boys hold a special place in both me & Jenny’s hearts, and again *SIGH*… NOW one of these messages is a little cryptic babe, but Tom said “Dont worry Sal, Jen will get it ;)” NO REALLY!!!! He totally winked at the end there! I could hear it! LOL!!

Happy birthday gorgeous! So as it’s your birthday I’m going to let you take the day off from tending to the snake, but I want you straight back on him tomorrow Jake xx

Happy birthday, Jen! I’ve got a big package coming your way soon … and you make sure to rub that lamp good, sweetheart! Lots of love and tongues, Tom xx

Sali—— AnyTakers for filling in for Jenny tending to JAKES SNAKE while she has the day off ???? Ummmmm…… HELLLL YEHHHH!!!!!!

Christina —– YOU CAN’T GET FIRST DIBS ON EVERYONE SALI… I CALL JAKE IF I HAVE TO SHARE DEUCE!!!!! EAT IT BIIIIIOTCH!!!

Sali —– LMAO!! Ok biatch!!!!! Settle down! Don’t get your panties in a twist! (That’s what you Americans call knickers isn’t it???Panties?????) Anyway!! Sorry got off track there! I started thinking of you in panties!! LMAO!!!! Let’s get serious! We both know Jenny would come after us with a pointy object if we laid a hand on Jakes snake!! Tom on the other hand……..

Christina —– OHHhHHHHH…. she can come after me with a pointy object, as long as its attached to Jake!!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, so Sal, guess butterflying what!!! Someone sent Jenny some poetry, with some Austrenglish words, and let me tell you… I BUTTERFLYING LOVE THIS GUY!!!!

Jenny, Hey, there. It’s Will Cooper. I heard it was your birthday, so…I thought it would be fitting to write a birthday poem for you. And…uh…don’t tell Lake I did this. She doesn’t know we “talk.”

My heart belongs to one girl That much we know is true But if you’d give me the time of day, Jenny I’d give that heart to you I would change my life for you I’d move across the world I’d pick up that adorable accent Just watch me give it a whirl Krikey, Lovah! Yeh jes so bloody amazin’ Yeh ignite mah soul And leave meh heart ablazin’ See what I did there? I can pull off the Austrenglish You and me…we’re meant to be You leave me feeling tinglish But I know your heart is buried Deep in another man But if that Kellan ever leaves you Come to Michigan if you can Happy Butterflying Birthday, Jenny!

Christina —– That was butterflying amaze balls!!!!!!!!

Sali —– OMFG HOLY BUTTERFLYING SHIT BALLS BATMAN!!!!! JEEEEEEEZ WILL!!!!! You managed to include Austrenglish ANNNNDDDD Kellan into this POEM!!!!!! BABE I BUTTERFLYING LOVE YOU!!! Dont worry! We won’t tell lake that you and Jenny “talk”!! LOL!

Christina —- Mums the word!!!! But uhhh… Will…. she probably has seen it since it’s on the blog!! Whoopsiessssss.

Sali —— Lol!!!! HI LAKE !!! We LOVE you girl !!

Christina —– *waves*

Sali —- Do you think she is heading for one of her mom’s notes in the glass jar right now??? Look out Will!!!!!

Christina —– HAHAHA!! She’s totes heading for a star!!! She may even take the jar again!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Poor Will!!!!!

Sali —– Thank god her mom always has great advice or Will would be up shit creek with out a paddle right now!!! WAIT! Do you guys in the US use that saying, “up shit creek without a paddle ” or is that another Aussie saying I get to teach you??

Christina —– LOL! We totes have that one!!!

Sali —- Woooohooo well it’s good to know that little rippa is global!!! OWWWWWWWW!!! BABE !!! Guess who is up next???? (Christina is shrugging her shoulders) You can’t guess ? (Chris shakes her head no) OH!!! Well let me give you a little hint then!!! He is smokin’ hot, plays baseball, is a great friend of ours and Jenn Sterling’s AND!!!!! HE’S MINE !!!! (just saying….hahaha!!!)

Jenny Baby,

I heard it’s your birthday and I wanted to send you a little something special, but what does the girl who has everything, want or need? I thought about sending you some quarters, so I could um… you know… touch you a lot the next time I saw you, but I don’t think Cassie would like that. Even though Kitten LOVES you, she says you’re her favorite Aussie- she wouldn’t want me paying you for touches after the whole debacle with the She-Devil Bitch from Hell. Jesus. When did I turn into such a chick? I think i’m gonna go meet up with Kellan and Griffin for a bit- get my man card back. Yeah, I’m friends with them. That’s what happens when you play professional baseball- you get to meet all sorts of cool people. I promise we’ll do some shots in your honor. And maybe even take some pics of our abs and send them to you. That’s it! We’ll have a JUDGE THE ABS contest and you get to judge! That’s a good birthday gift, right? Gran would be so proud right now. Don’t sell those pics on the internet, okay? Or post them on your blog! Shit. I have to go hit the gym and get some pitches in. Gotta stay in shape during the off-season. Happy Birthday Jenny! We’ll make all your fantasies come true later. -Jack Carter

Sali —— Now I would just like to add that yes!!! MY JACK did say that Jenny is Cassie’s favorite Aussie BUT Jack was very clear that I am HIS FAVORITE AUSSIE !!!! I HAVE WRITTEN PROOF !!! LOL!!!! Both Christina & Jenn will back me up on this!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!! *sigh*  My Jack! Ok, carry on thats all I wanted to say!!!

Christina —– JACK FUCKING CARTER!!! I seriously have saved up about $1,000 worth of quarters I’m going to PAY HIM to touch. Cause I’m nice like that. &&& He TOTES did say you were his fav!!!! (sorry Jenny)

Sali —- Ok now!!! Just keep your piggy bank full of quarters to YOURSELF my friend!!! I will happily share A LOT of my book boyfriends with you!!! You know I love our fictional playtime but I draw the line at Jack !!!!

Christina —— FICTIONAL??? Who’s fictional??? AREN’T ALL OF THEM REAL?? I just figured they all lived in Area 51 where we can’t get to them!!!

Sali —– LOL!!! OOHHHHHH!!!! So that’s where they all are!!!!!

(Christina nodding with sad puppy dog eyes)

Ok now up next is someone who I KNOW means a hell of a lot to Jen! Not only is this woman a pure genius, in my opinion, but her heart is MASSIVE!!! I’M ALSO TOLD SHE IS ONE HELL OF A GOOD KISSER!!!!! BAAAHAAA!!!!

Dear Jenny, This was supposed to be a message from Caleb and Livvie, but I think it would be remiss of me to forgo an opportunity to tell you how much I adore you. You are one of the sweetest, kindest, and most generous people I have met (and you’re a great kisser too *wink*). Happy birthday, lover. Yours, CJ

cj and me

 

 

Christina —– OHHH MY GOOOSH… I WAS TOTES THERE TO SEE THAT SALI!!! I SAW THEM KISS, WITH MY OWN TWO EYES!!!! YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN CAM’ING ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!

 

 

 

Christina —— OH WTF IS THAT??? NEITHER ONE OF THOSE AWESOME BITCHES ARE INNOCENT!!! I DEMAND A RETAKE!!

Sali —— COULD THESE TWO BE ANY FREAKIN CUTER??? OHHHHH!!! Can you see their little devil tails swishing in the background??? NOOO??!! OHH!!!! That must have been in the other photo!!! BAAAAAHAAAAA!!!

Christina —– Must have been! Because in this one they think they are foolin us!!!

Sali ——- I am sooooo jealous that Jen got to PASH CJ-freaking-ROBERTS !!!!!

Christina —— You should be!!! It was EPIC!!!!!!!!

Sali —– Ohhh I know!! Psst! I saw the photos!! haha!!! Oowwwwwww BABE !!!! OWW OWWW OWWWWW!!!! This next message makes my girly bits shiver !!!!!!

Christina ——- Oh goodness… I don’t know if I can handle any more shivering bits!!!!

Sali —– Omg, this boy has made me shiver since the first day my good friend, Kendall Ryan introduced me to him !!!! He was still a virgin back then, but holy freakin crap balls batman!!! What a sexy virgin!!!!!! And boy does this guy know how to use his hands and mouth! Do you know who I’m talking about now ??

Christina —– I think I have an idea… and I’m running for a pail!!!!

Hey J-town. It’s Cohen. My damn pager just went off again, and Eliza is trying to pull me back to bed, but I just had to send your sexy ass a quick birthday message. Have a great one!

Love, Cohen

Sali —— Ohhh yeh baby! You will be needing a mop to clean up our drooling mess!!

Christina ——- …..*fainted*

Sali —— CHRIS!! CHRIS!!! WAKE UP!!! Are you ok babe??? Do you need mouth to mouth? Haha!

Christina ——- I’m back! I fainted. It’s male overload! If we get another one like that I think I WILL need mouth to mouth.

Sali —– Dude, I’m soooo there for you! Can I use tongue ??? LOL!

Christina —– Yes! You can use tongue and squeeze boob!!!

Sali ——- Don’t feel bad. Cohen has that effect on me too! When he is all dressed up in the firefighter uniform… *sigh*. All those bulging muscles …… and tight pants that snug his as……..

Christina —– *faints*

Sali —– Chris???? Ohhhh shit she’s down again!!! Hmmmm….. maybe I shouldn’t of mentioned Cohen’s sexy bits …..oops!! Wakey wakey, babe!

Christina —— Okay, I’m back. I fell that time and hit my head on a table. TIT’S OKAY!!! I’M FINE!!!!

Sali —– EEEEEEEKKKKKKKK !!!! YOU WANNA KNOW WHO’S NEXT??? Well let’s get to it then!  You ready biatch ???

(Christina is sucking her thumb and whimpering, I think she’s about done in!)

LOL! You better pull up those big girl panties baby, b’coz I’m not even close to done yet !!!!

So I heard that a lovely girl was having her birthday, yeah? I expect you to enjoy your special day, Jenny, and next time you’re in London you have to let us know so we can have you over to the flat for dinner. Brynne will cook something decadent and I’ll teach you how to play poker. Happy birthday, sweetheart.

Ethan

Christina —— SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY?!!!!! Jenny is SO freaking LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sali —– I KNOW!!! &OMG!!! You can hear his sexy accent even when its typed in a message!!!!! KNICKER CHANGE!!!!!!

Christina ——- I KNOOOOOW!!! Thankfully I changed into depends Sali! I won’t have to change my underwear again! SCORE!

Sali —— Ummmmm ….babe…….I totes love you and shit, but did you just tell the world that you are wearing the adult equivalent to a diaper????? LMAO!!! Ohhh that’s soooo not sexy girlfriend !!!!

Christina —— IT MAY NOT BE SEXY BUT IT KEEPS ME FROM MOPPING UP!!!! So STFU!!!

Sali —– Ok you make a good point !!! Ethan’s voice alone gets me to my happy place so I’m understanding your need for wee catching panties!!! LOL!

Christina —— It was the BEST investment! Like, EVER!!

Sali —–Lmao!!!! YOU JUST  QUOTED TAYLOR SWIFT !!!! BAAAHAAA!!

Mmmmmmm….let me see what have we got next!!!

Well looks like just two more love notes/birthday messages left! Ok who are these two from ??

OMG !!! HOLYFREAKINSHIT !!!! OMG OMG OHHHHMYYYFUCKINGGOD !!!!!! OK CHRIS YOU WILL NEED TO SIT DOWN FOR THESE LAST TWO!!!!! DEEP BEATHS….IN ….OUT….IN …OUT ….!! OMG TALK ABOUT PULLING OUT THE BIG GUNS!!!! HOLD UP !!! I JUST NEED A FREAKIN MINUTE & YES SHOUTY CAPS ARE TOTALLY NEEDED TO INTRO THESE NEXT TWO!!!! Ok I’m calming down enough to post this next one!! Sooooo before I show you this next message, I want to tell you all a little something. This next person is what BROUGHT JENNY & I TOGETHER YEARS AGO!!!! HE IS OUR ORIGINAL TATTOOED HOT BAD BOY & we freaking LOVE him!!! EEEEKKKKK…..and as I would say ……YYYAAAAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO BITCHES!!!!!!! HERE…….WE…….GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Jenny,

So … I hear it’s your birthday. I couldn’t let your big day pass without telling you that I think you’re pretty fucking awesome. You find something you love and you tell everyone about it with intensity and passion. That’s kinda hot. Anyway, I want you to have a fantastic birthday. If I was there, I’d buy you a shot. xoxo, Travis Maddox

Sali ——- OMG OMG OMG it’s TRAVIS FUCKING MADDOX!!!!!!!!

Christina —— FAINTED……WOKE BACK UP….. TOOK A PEEK……PASSED OUT AGAIN…… WOKE UP READ IT AGAIN, FAINTED!!! OK!!! I’m back….I think something just happened. I fainted a few times, my vision got all hazy, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t……..OMFG!!!!!

Sali—–Ohhhh crap babe!! Sorry !!!! I didn’t catch you before you hit the floor!!! Are you ok?? Shit I really need to remember to catch you next time! LOL! OOUCH!!!! Don’t hit me!!! It’s not my fault you fainted!!!! I told you to sit your ass down bitch!! But seriously did you hurt yourself???  LOL!!!  Dude, maybe if you know your going to faint you shouldn’t wear a skirt!!!! BAAAAHAAAA!!!! I can see your lady diaper !!

Christina —— WELL MAYBE IF YOU DIDN’T TELL ME MY LEGS LOOKED FUCKING HOT IN THIS SKIRT I WOULDN’T BE WEARING A FUCKING SKIRT AND YOU WOULDN’T SEE MY LADY DIAPER!!!!

Sali —— Ohhhhh so it’s ALLL MY FAULT NOW???? …hhmmmff typical!! Your legs do look totes freakin hot in that skirt though babe!!! I would totally do you if I was into vagina ……oops wait …TMI????? LOL!!! OMG I THINK ALL THIS HOT MAN ACTION IS GETTING TO ME!!! SHOULD I MOVE ON TO THE LUCKY LAST MESSAGE ???

Christina —– DEAR HOLY BABY TOM CRUISE, I HAVE LITERALLY CHANGED MY DIAPER, I HAVE A FAN ON ME, I HAVE A COOL TOWEL ON MY NECK, I HAVE SAT DOWN, GOTTEN TAPED TO A CHAIR, AND I HAVE A TOY NEXT TO ME……errrr baby toy!! I mean, not meaning it’s tiny! I mean…..it’s a stuffed animal….errrrr. Just flucking give it to us Sal before I keep putting my foot in my mouth!!!!!!!!

Sali —– GLAD I TAPED YOU TO THAT CHAIR …….GEEEZ THAT WAS FUN …..you look pretty all strapped down babe! Just saying! LOL! This was for my safety also, because I have a little confession! Sooooooo I may have told a little tiny fib when I said there was only one message left.

Christina —— NO NO NO NO NO!!! I can’t fucking take it Sali!!!! This is like foreplay but with blue balls!!!!! IT’S LIKE THEY ARE ALL IN A ROOM TOGETHER BUT THE FUCKING DOORS LOCKED AND YOU DON’T HAVE THE KEY!!!

Sali —— CALM DOWN!!!!! (Backing away from Christina’s chair ….shit I should of taped her legs …hmmm probably should remember that next time!!!! Shit, the bitch can kick !!) Ok just breathe!! Now it’s still 1 message …sort of…but it’s from 2 people …..hmmm so people might not be the right word. Alright now I want u to be ready !! This message is from 2 EXTREMELY SEXY, TALENTED GUYS !!! OHHHH GOD CHRIS !!! I THINK I MIGHT NEED TO BORROW ONE OF THESE DIAPER THINGYS !!!! I AM TOTALLY CRACKIN A MOISTY OVER THIS MESSAGE !!! OMG JENNY IS GOING TO CRY LIKE A HUNGRY BABY WHEN SHE READS THIS !!! HMMMMM…. I don’t want her crying on her birthday!!! Maybe I shouldnt post this one???

Christina —– SHE’S PROBABLY ALREADY A BLUBBERING MESS ALREADY… BUT OHHHH….OH FUCK. OH FUCK. OH FUCK. I have a feeling. I very bad bad bad bad feeling about this. I have a feeling that. OMG. I think I may. Hold on. OMG. OHHHHHHHHHHHHH. MYYYYYYYYYYYYY……

Sali —– OMG did you just “O” ???? YOU TOTALLY DID DIDNT YOU !!!

Christina —– I TOTES DID!!! I “O”d and ONLY have a FEELING who it is.

Sali ——- DUUUUUDE WHILE IM IN THE ROOM ?????? seriously ????………..HMMM THAT JUST TOOK OUR FRIENDSHIP TO A WHOLLLLLLE NEW LEVEL LOL

Christina —- DID YOU NOT REALIZE WHERE YOUR HAND IS RIGHT NOW????

Sali —– Ohhhh shit sorry !!!! Don’t know how that hand got there !!!! Now where was i ??? Ohhhh yeh !!!!! So you ready now for this ????

Christina —- JUST POST THE MESSAGE BEFORE I RIP YOUR HAIR OUT, AND NOT IN PLEASURE!!!

Sali –— OUCH !!!!!!! OK!! OK geeeeez!!!!!!!! patience my friend !!!!!

here ………….

we……………………….

GGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to my number one fan! Ah, Jenny! You make me smile. I always know that no matter where this crazy life takes me, if I become a washed-up, has-been doing late night lounge acts at some off-the-beaten-path casino in Vegas, you’ll be right there in the front row, hootin’ and hollerin’ like I’m Justin Bieber or something. I love that about you! You’re a true fan for life, and that means a lot to me. You’ve also stood by my girl from the very beginning. Through thick and thin you’ve always defended her. That makes us family in my book. But…I do have a request…well, two actually. One, please stop trying to drive my car. And don’t let any of your friends drive my car. I don’t want to sound like a dick, but that car’s pretty special to me. I really don’t let anyone else drive it. I only let Kiera drive it because I hate the thought of her not being able to get around on her own. And, I like the image of her behind the wheel of my Chevelle, and not that POS Honda. Two, while it was awesome to see you in Chicago, and we had a blast together, please tell your friends to never…EVER…kidnap me again. I’ll willingly hang out with you. I’ll gladly hang out with you. In fact, how about I head over your way real soon and we’ll sling back a cold one. Just don’t let them handcuff me again. Please. Unless Kiera comes too, of course. I’d be just fine if they handcuffed us together… Um, yeah, anyway, before I can dwell too long on that image, I just want to again say, Happy Birthday! It’s been an incredible experience getting to know you, and I look forward to seeing you at our next show! Backstage, All Access!

Love Always, Kellan Kyle

P.S. There’s a rumor flying around that there may be something on a car of yours that maybe insinuates that the two of us are…married? Is that…true? I’m also a little curious about something called…big blue?

JENNY!!!!!!!!!!!! What’s fucking up! I’m so stoked it’s your birthday. We’re doing body shots ‘til you vomit! Then we’re gonna go ride a mechanical bull together. It’s gonna be fucking epic! And, I know, I know, your Kell’s girl…whatever…but when we’re rocking back and forth on that bull together, and you feel The Hulk pressing against your back…oh, yeah, shit’s going down! You won’t even remember Kell’s name when I’m done with you. I can’t fucking wait. When’s the party again?

–Griffin…the only D-Bag that matters

Sali —– oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy fuckkkkkkkingggggggggggg godddddddddddddddddddddddddddd !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAIT!!!! Chris ????? Chris are you ok ???????? You were just making the WEIRDEST NOISE then you passed out again !!!!

Christina ——- IT WAS ME PEEING AS I WAS PASSING OUT!!!!!!!! I GOT SO EXCITED I STARTED PEEING AS I WAS BLACKING OUT AND AS I WAS OUT I HAD THE WEIRDEST DREAM THAT KELLAN AND GRIFF STOPPED BY TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! THAT’S NOT TRUE, IS IT???

Sali—— hmmmmmm I CAN NOT CONFIRM OR DENY THAT STATEMENT. Ok is it just me or are you visuallising Griff riding a machanical bull ??…….rocking baaack & forrth ….hmmmm the things that boy can do with his hips !!!!  Ohhhh sorry did you say something ??? I just got lost in my little fantasy then.

Christina ——- I wasn’t paying attention, as I seemed to have spilt drool EVERYWHERE. I look like a camel!!!! Griff & his hips is like OMG, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. And I know Jenny is going to hit me for saying this…but do you think I could get like ONE little naughty time out of him without Jenny knowing??? I just need an hour! JUST ONE HOURRRR!!!! *cries*

Sali —– BBBAAHAAAA U DO !!!! You do look like a camel !!!! Holy crap mate !!! That was the HOTTEST MESSAGE EVER !!!!! WAIT!!! Are you asking for time with KELL ????? Because babe, that is NEVER GUNNA HAPPEN !!!!! Now if it’s time with Griff you want,  then Jenny would say “HAVE AT IT BITCHES ” LOL!!!!!

Christina — SOOOOOOOO HOTT!!!!!!! Move your hand off my boob Sal, I can’t concentrate on reading the messages again!!!!

Sali— Ummmm Chris? That’s your hand not mine lmao !!!!

WOW!!!

Way to finish it of with a BANG !!!

WELL JENNY 🙂

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

THAT WAS THE LAST OF YOUR SPECIAL BIRTHDAY MESSAGES :0)

I HOPE YOU LOVED READING THEM AS MUCH AS WE DID!!! And we REALLY, REALLY enjoyed reading them 😉 I think Christina’s diaper is evidence of that!!! LOL!

My diaper is totes evidence!! Jenny, I love you and thanks for being THE BEST unofficial MIL ever!!!! 😉

We want to say a HUGE , MASSIVE, ENOOOOOOORMOUS THANK YOU TO OUR ALL THE AMAZING AUTHORS THAT HELP US GIVE YOU THIS EPIC BIRTHDAY SURPRISE !!!!!

Samantha Young – On Dublin Street

Tara Sivec – Seduction and Snacks, Futures and Frosting & Troubles and Treats

Madeline Sheehan – Undeniable

Heidi McLaughlin – My Forever Girl (not out yet)

Kristen Ashley – With Everything I Am Lady Luck

Olivia Cunning – Backstage Pass, Rock Hard, Double Time Hot Ticket (Sinners on Tour)

Natalie Ward – I Love You To Death

Samantha Towle – The Mighty Storm

Colleen Hoover – Slammed Point of Retreat

J. Sterling – The Perfect Game

C.J Roberts – Captive in the Dark & Seduced in the Dark

Kendall Ryan – Make Me Yours (Unravel Me)

Raine Miller – Naked (The Blackstone Affair) , All In (The Blackstone Affair)

Jamie McGuire – Beautiful Disaster , Walking Disaster

S.C Stephens – Thoughtless, Effortless, Reckless

A HUGE THANKU GOES TO RENAE PORTER FOR BEING A BLOG HACKING GENIUS !!!! WE LOVE LOVE LOVE ALL THAT IS RENAE !!!!

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