THE MALEBOX (Our Male Reviewer) REVIEWS FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – THE MOVIE

28 February, 2015

The Malebox is baaaack!

We’ve all seen, discussed and had opinions on the Fifty Shades of Grey Movie, but we haven’t been able to find many comments from the guys who have had to accompany their significant other’s to watch it.
We did ask our husbands to go with us but they politely (or should we say, categorically) declined.

MB has been a bit slack of late so it fell on his shoulders to bring us a male POV of this much talked about movie.

We think you’ll enjoy – Malebox’s Day At Fifty.

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THE MALEBOX REVIEWS
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – THE MOVIE

Reviewed by MB

MB is back with a bang, a Fifty Shades bang that is. It’s been a while and I thought I’d do something different…instead of being book review guy, I’m going to do a review of the new Fifty Shades movie.

To make this happen, I went to see the movie today. No I didn’t go on my own, I didn’t want to be THAT guy, I went with a girl. She’s read the books, so this made it easier to suggest. I pretended I wanted to see American Sniper at first, just to make her work for it a bit. Now she thinks I’m the best guy ever and all going well this will stand me in good stead later when I bring out the power tools!

The movie theatre was about half full and made up of groups of girls and two guys. Me and the rather strange middle aged man sat on his own a few rows in front. I didn’t want to make eye contact, just in case this was seen as some sort of invitation.

I bought my lady popcorn and a drink. I normally don’t share food, but on this occasion, as I cut out a hole in the bottom of the of the popcorn bucket, needs must. I was hoping that this little treat for me might coincide with a sexy scene in the movie. As usual the commercials droned on, however an ad for strawberry flavoured condom lube put us all in the mood. Then came the previews…unfortunately I was slightly sick in my own mouth at the prospect of being dragged to see Magic Mike 2 this time it’s XXL.

Before we get onto the movie itself, I will let you into a guy secret. There are certain movies that guys secretly like but that they won’t admit to. Some examples of these are 17 Again and Dirty Dancing. We pretend not to like them, but we all see ourselves as Patrick Swayze throwing our shapes at the end, just like you Ladies see yourselves as Baby in the corner. We can now add the Fifty movie to our guy list…do we want to be Christian Grey? Yes, we most certainly do.

As I’ve read the books already, I was quite interested to see how Anastasia would look naked on the big screen and I wasn’t disappointed. Any girl that is spawned from the loins of Sonny Crockett, the coolest cop ever, was always going to be something special. She was perfectly cast in the role and played it cool just like her Dad. Jamie Dornan was perfect as Christian as well, just enough without coming across as a sex pest who should be on some sort of sexual offences register.

I thought the movie was very well done and that the sex scenes were delivered appropriately. I’ve read negative reviews about the movie and its portrayal of women, and I think it’s ridiculous. This is fiction people, if you don’t like it, don’t watch it or read it. For what it’s worth, as far as I could tell Ana seemed to be enjoying herself. I would expect these sorts of comments from do-gooders types and ‘I have an opinion on everything’ sorts, but this movie does not glorify anything bad.

I do think that it’s one of those movies that means much more if you’ve read the books though. If you went out with your partner one night and just decided to see the movie, you may walk out at the end a bit confused by it all. I had this experience with The Thin Red Line, I have no idea what this movie was about and appear to have missed the point of the entire thing. Quite why it was Oscar nominated and lasted over 3 hours is beyond me. Fifty won’t win any Oscars, but who cares, give the people what they want. They want Christian and Ana, love, sex and butt plugs.

To all you men out there, give it chance, your Lady may like it and may even want to stop off at a hardware store on the way home. If she does just go with it…in my view, anything that encourages more women to get involved in DIY is a bonus.

Just as a personal plea to E L James, maybe her next book could be about a dominant sportsman or even a dominant who likes to go out with his male friends to bars and get drunk every weekend. This would really do us men a favour.

I feel no shame in admitting that I enjoyed the movie, and any self-awkwardness in the cinema left each time I saw my male friend two rows in front, who I’m certain was touching himself. Did my date enjoy the movie I hear you ask? Yes she did… does she want my best Christian Grey moves later? Yeahhhhh she does!!! Does she want me to sniff her underwear? She may well do, but MB doesn’t roll with that. Especially not as she won’t have changed them since watching the movie, so it will be like Niagara down there. Maybe if she changes them, we can…..NEGOTIATE

“We aim to please, Miss Steele “

LATER’S, LADIES!

We asked MB for a pic to accompany this post but he wants to remain anonymous. We had to settle for a bit of ‘arm porn.‘

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PRE ORDER YOUR COPY OF THE FIFTY SHADES OF GREY DVD
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THE MALEBOX & SAMANTHA
JOINT REVIEW FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – THE BOOK!

Here’s a blast from the past we thought you might enjoy!
Back in 2012 The Malebox did a joint review of FIFTY SHADES OF GREY with one of our readers, Samantha.
We thought we’d share it here again for those who may have missed it.
Enjoy!!!!!

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To:mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject: Confession from The Malebox

Can I tell you a secret?

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: My lips are sealed

Sure you can, I am like a vault! (wink, wink)

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject: Full Access

Since I agreed to tandem read with you, TB have bought me a few books for my kindle. So Ms. Samantha, Mr. Malebox has been reading one of these books which is Fifty Shades of Grey! I was curious and just wanted to know what all the fuss was about!

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: Very Intrigued….

Really? And how do you feel about Fifty Shades Mr. Malebox?

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject: Pleasantly surprised….

I kinda like it…I didn’t know there were 3 books though….Mr. Grey is pretty cool.

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: I have to know…tell me!

Yeah, Mr. Grey is…pretty cool….

So, Mr. Malebox… Vanilla or Red Room of Pain???

Well, we all want to know don’t we?

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject: Ah now that would be telling…

I think the red room for you, Ms. Samantha…. Wait! You are a bad influence on me!!!

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: Pouting…..

Fine, sorry, boring questions from now on…

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject: Never…..

I don’t do boring Ms. Samantha…we all need a bit of bad in our lives…

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: Impressed!

That was such a Mr. Grey line, Mr. Malebox!

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject: Gold Star!

I know…how cool was that!!!

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: Squirming….

That was pretty hot! So umm, the book?? It isn’t particularly well written, but it is so good in a bad way!

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject: Yes!

I know…the writing is quite strange at times…I found it weird at the beginning but got used to it. I didn’t like all the inner goddess stuff….I have a lot to say about this book, so be prepared…

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: Go on….

Hit me baby

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject: Hand twitching….

How apt….

I don’t know what I was expecting from the book but it wasn’t what I read.

I was expecting it to be full of sex and whips, also I wasn’t expecting to actually enjoy it and I wanted to read it just to see what everyone was talking about.

I was wrong on both fronts. I found the sex side of the book secondary to the relationship between the characters and all rather tame.

I was not expecting this…I actually really liked Christian Grey and also liked Ana.

I found the emails between them quite amusing….I really don’t mean this to be rude, but I found at times; the writing and Ana almost childlike…I assume that this may have been the intention though. What surprised me the most about the book was that I assumed that it would be complete shit and over publicized? It was much better than I expected it to be…It kept me interested throughout.

I don’t see what all the controversy with the book was all about though.

I can see why this book is popular and that is because of Mr. Christian Grey…the man is a genius!!

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: Speechless….

Wow! A genius? I am surprised that you actually like Christian more than you like Ana, maybe it’s because she doesn’t really have much of a personality. The email portion of the book was my favorite as well. The emails were very well done and had me cracking up. Ditto on the controversy, there are far more risqué books out there and they have been written better. That being said, I can say I found myself strangely addicted to these books and I loved them.

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject: I don’t make love….

I fuck hard…what a line.

Your thoughts on Ana…. I quite liked her. Not as a hot as my Myrna though, but I liked her more as a person. I get the obsession thing by Grey…..

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: Liar, liar pants on fire…

That line was HOT, one of the best lines in the book! I also liked when Ana said to Christian “don’t get your panties in such a twist…and give me back mine”. I don’t get Ana. Sometimes she seems like an independent woman and then others she seems like…..not. How in the ham fat can you be twenty- something and not have touched your girly parts??? I call bullshit. I wanna know about your obsession…

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject: Obsessions, possessions and confessions

I am a male with alpha tendencies which is why I like Mr. Grey and understand his relationship with Miss Steele. This may be controversial but I am going to ask 2 questions…are women possessions?

Secondly, should a man be obsessed with a woman?

The simple answer to both is yes. A woman is a man’s most valued possession and with that possession rightly comes the obsession. A man should be obsessed with his woman….I do not condone either behavior which is not reciprocal.

Do women want a man who panders to their every need and make a fuss of them. Well yes they do, but they also need something else…that is the challenge, excitement and fulfillment.

This is what Mr. Grey represents.

A woman also needs to feel secure and protected and safe. How do you feel when someone borrows your important stuff? If you are like me, you worry that they will not take care of it or break it. Would you let someone steal this stuff? No, you wouldn’t and I have already said that a woman is the most prized of all possessions. So if someone tries to steal my woman then expect a beat down of the highest order…..

This is why I get Mr. Grey.

I would like to see Mr. Grey take on Myrna from the last book (Backstage Pass). Now that would be interesting. It would be like Superman taking on Batman…who would win?

Actually I would like to take on Myrna…

From: mbandsam1@gmail.com
To: themalebox69@gmail.com
Subject: Ground rules…..

I am going to sit in a freezer now. Holy hell Malebox, that was hot.

From: themalebox69@gmail.com
To: mbandsam1@gmail.com
Subject: Breaking Ground Rules

Now I know there are rules but I will be blatantly breaking them at every opportunity…..

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THE FIFTY SHADES OF GREY TRILOGY by E L JAMES

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY TRILOGY BUNDLE
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