the virgin romance novelist


Her bosom heaved at an alarming rate as his rough hand found its way down to her soft, yet wiry briar patch…

Can you say briar patch in a romance novel? What about meat sword? That’s what it is…a meat sword, right, all meaty and sword like, slaying through the inner dungeons of a woman’s dark desires. What about breasts? Do bosoms really heave?

God, I have no idea what happens when private parts touch.

I’m a virgin trying to write a romance novel and can’t seem to write past a sex scene thanks to my lack of experience.

My two best friends encourage me to drop the pen for a while and gain some real life practice through multiple dating facets such as blind dates, online profiles, and random hookups.

But losing my virginity is proving to be tougher than expected… 


The Virgin Romance Novelist (2)

Reviewed by Jenny & Gitte

✯✯✯✯  hilarious stars! 

“You’re living through your characters when you need to be living in real life.”

Sometimes you just need a nice easy fun read to sweep you away. You know the ones…they’re sweet, swoony, fun and leave your face aching from the happy grin that’s constantly plastered there! We were just in the mood for just that sort of book and the book Gods must have listening because in our TB PM we found a recommendation for The Virgin Romance Novelist and it was just what the book doctor ordered!

“Let go, Rosie. You’re absolutely breathtaking.”

We’re both romance addicts who love the fantasy world created in these stories. Who doesn’t love those hot alpha guys who fiercely love their women and express themselves in one syllable sentences, who engage in ‘against the wall’ sex when they can’t contain that overwhelming passion they feel when the woman they desire so much as licks her lips. You know them, right? We love them in books but in real life we do love to be wooed and Rosie is no different.

Rosie Bloom loves those fluffy romance novels, losing herself in them with grand ideas of the Jane Austin variety where she believes there is a dashing hero waiting to sweep her off her feet and that true love will always prevail. She’s read about it in romance novels so it must be true!

“Love isn’t easy and love isn’t kind; love is something you sacrifice everything for in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, there is a person in this world who will accept you for who you are.”

Rosie works in a job she hates, which, we might add, provided us with MANY laughs – sorry Rosie, your misery was our hilarity! She’s led a very sheltered life, home schooled and over protected by her parents and completely naïve and clueless when it comes to sex – quite the opposite to her very oversexed flatmates Henry and Delaney. Rosie is introduced to the world of Erotic romance thanks to her sexually overt and well-meaning buddies, and life for Rosie will never be the same from this day forward!

“Make me proud and masturbate the right way, one hand on the tit and one on the clit.”

Rosie’s flatmates were hysterical! No beating about the bush (omg! bush…hahaha that reminds us of just one of Rosie’s unfortunate adventures *giggling*) with these two! If you want advice from Delaney, she’s more than happy to provide it and deliver it in her unique no filter way. Oh geez, she had us in fits!

“You need to get fucked… need to drop the books, spread your legs and get fucked.”

And then we have Rosie’s best friend Henry. Henry’s a man tart with a big heart, handsome and a bit of a demon between the sheets who’s never shy about passing on his knowledge to Rosie, and like Delaney, it’s in a no nonsense, no frills way…especially the blow job discussion! OMG! This guy had us swooning and giggling at the same time! Just one of the MANY highlights of this book!

“What’s a hummer?” Rosie
“A hummer is when you have his cock in your mouth and you hum lightly. The vibrations will jolt all the way down to his balls, and it will cause an amazing sensation to stir inside of him.” Henry
“Interesting. Should I hum show tunes?” Rosie

Rosie’s desire to write a romance novel comes to a halt due to her lack of sexual experience. She’s able to write about the mechanics of lovemaking but to convey the emotion and passion of the act, she will need to ditch the V-Card and put herself out for some firsthand experiences and so the fun begins….and the laughs, and the love, and the sweetness. Seriously…some moments had us in tears of laughter.

This was such a sweet, at times hysterically funny and ALWAYS entertaining read! Our romantic hearts were more than happy as Rosie, Delaney and Henry provided the perfect escape! We started with a smile, had a bit of a hiccup towards the end when the author introduced a scenario that felt very unnecessary and completely out of character. We felt quite disappointed in this particular injected angst and felt the character was let down at that point. However, we ended on a SMILE making it a definite recommend from us!

“Live a little.”
“I’m living.”
“That you are, but live a little with me, Rosie.”

 ♥ ♥ ♥ 

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the virgin romance novelist

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