THE MALEBOX REVIEWS :: THE PANTY WHISPERER (The Complete Series) by SLOANE HOWELL

12 August, 2016

THE MALEBOX
TBB’s Male Reviewer delivering tongue in cheek romance reviews.

The Panty Whisperer – steamy, dirty novella series.
Available to purchase below:

SYNOPSIS

I want you to remember my face. I want to watch your eyes roll up in your head, your toes cramp up while curling under your feet, your thighs trembling around my face, begging for me. I want to own your mind for the rest of your life. The thought of me will be a thirst you can’t quench, a drug you can’t have, an itch that cannot be scratched, no matter how hard you try. Nobody will send a shock of neural ecstasy to the tips of your toes the way I will. Care to bet me?

Most people have something they’re good at: math, sports, music, art. I was born with a more specific talent, pleasing women. I don’t know how or why it happened, it’s built into my DNA. I’ve always had the golden tongue, able to talk women into fulfilling their deepest, darkest fantasies. My name is Joel Hannover, but my friends call me the panty whisperer.

I work as an accounting software consultant. It sounds fancy, like I should be good with math or computers. In reality I’m a salesman. My job just happens to be perfect for my hobby. Most accounting departments are comprised of women. Women most people believe are boring or uneventful. I meet these women every day. Insecure, dressed conservatively, hiding their beautiful bodies behind layers of clothing, afraid a few pounds of baby weight may still show. Ladies who work crossword puzzles and process numbers and transactions. It’s all a facade, these women are sexual creatures who want to have all of their desires met and all of their needs fulfilled. Begging for someone to explore them, to bring them out of their shell and release the sexual tension that has saturated their entire being, afraid to break free.

Meet Jessica Moore: mid-thirties, married with two kids, unhappy. Incredibly sexy! Will I open her mind and push the erogenous zones in her brain past their breaking point? You’ll have to read to find out…

* * * *

REVIEWED by THE MALEBOX

After another long hiatus, I am back with another review for Totally Booked. Like most men I have been busy pretending to be busy with other things which explains my absence. So, the ladies asked me to review a book by Sloane Howell called the Panty Whisperer, the complete series. As always, I knew nothing about the author or the book and only hoped that it was not boring. I assumed from the title that is was a euphemism for someone with a husky voice who had a fetish with talking to women’s underwear as opposed to the panty sniffer…hey I am not judging…

So what are these whispering panties all about and what secrets do they know? Basically, it is the story of Herbert and his ability to talk to women and their vaginas and other orifices. He does most of his talking through his cock, which would be quite the ventriloquist act if managed properly and his cock could also do a few celebrity impressions at the same time. Although with a name like Herbert, he does need a party trick to get the conversation started.

Herbert is the Doctor Seuss to the female animal, if Dr Seuss liked to pound a bit of strange in the office, the bathroom and store cupboard. Let’s hope that he didn’t do any of this with the many animals that he talked to.

He maybe the Batman of dirty talk but he is the Robin of commitment and settling down. Then again why would he, he taps more than Michael Flatley and spends more time in ass cracks than Richard Gere’s pet gerbil.

He prides himself on his ability to to make a woman cream her spinach. Speaking of creamed spinach, it is an under rated accompaniment to many the dish. However when you use it in the same breath as soiled women’s panties, it may put you off the idea of having it with a nice beef tip. That being said, next time you do cream some spinach, please think of The Malebox. Anyway I have digressed.

Herbert likes to sow his wild oats, however I don’t think they will necessarily take root and grow from off of women’s faces, but hey I am no argiculturalist. He is the ultimate playboy but things take a turn when he bangs a cheeky redhead called Olivia in a club bathroom. I told you he was a classy guy. He promises to call her and she gets upsets when he doesn’t. Really Olivia, you’ve just had dirty sex with a guy you picked up in a bar who you don’t know, was he really going to call you? Anyway forget Herbert, give me a ring sweetie and I will take you to McDonald’s and bang you behind the dumpsters next to the drive through. At least you get a meal as well this time..

Anyway in steps Olivia’s best friend Quinn to help Herbert taste some of his own medicine. Up until this point, this was the first thing someone has tasted that wasn’t sperm or moist lady bits. I won’t spoil anymore for you, but you may see how this is going to go. Boy meets girl and does the dirty, best friend takes revenge to make him change his philandering ways, guy thinks friend is hot but tells her to get a fucking life and keep her nose out of his business. Well the last bit is what I would say, but I am glad to say Herbert is not me and has a softer side. Things then get complicated between them and shenanigans commence.

It was a good read and if you like your sex on the dirty side then this book is for you. There are comedy moments too whenever Herbert’s wingman Tommy is about and the banter between the two of them is amusing.

Pick it up and read the first few chapters with a spare hand available and you’re good to go.

The Malebox

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